Category: Blogpost

Blogpost, self-reliance

Most Likely, You’re the Only One Keeping Score

Pete Huryk

Today we have more data than we ever have before. The number of hours on your cellphone is measurable. Your number of followers on Instagram. The amount of birthday wishes that you got on Facebook. And the number of reads that I get for this blogpost. All of these things can be quantified. The question becomes whether or not it matters. Whether we want more or less of something, does the number itself matter?

The numbers only matter when they align with who you want to be as a person. So make sure that you’re measuring the right thing. If you value the impact that you have on people’s lives, don’t judge yourself by your bank statements. Set up the game in a way that you can win. No one is keeping score except for you. Your parents probably love you no matter how many followers you have. That adversary will never respect you no matter how much money you have. So set up a game that aligns with your vision for yourself. Just because likes, follows, money and stocks are common measurements, doesn’t mean that you have to use them.

There is so much more to this world! You can use laughs, thank you’s, hugs (after Covid), smiles, replies, questions or any other metric you choose. The common currency is just that, common! People who are doing exceptional things are most likely not using the common metrics.

If no one else is keeping score for you, how are you keeping score for yourself? It’s your game whether you realize it or not. So play it based on your rules, not the ones that are popular right now. Twenty years ago followers didn’t exist the way they do now and in another twenty, they’ll probably be gone. However you will persist. How will you keep score then? Maybe the time to decide that is now, so you’ll be way ahead.

Run up the score in your game!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

Climbing the Pyramid with a Parachute

Pete Huryk

It was a true pleasure to watch the US Men’s National Team dismantle El Salvador last night in their match. Although the game was a friendly and El Salvador was not at full strength, this is the type of result that one would expect from a sport obsessed nation when competing against a country one fiftieth its size. As Iceland has proven beyond the shadow of a doubt, population is not truly relevant when judging a footballing nation. However the numbers simply provide a context for the available talent pool. Even with the competition from the other major US sports, more people play soccer in the US than the entire population of El Salvador. Seeing a tangible result to all of the shifts in US soccer over the past decade was refreshing. Despite my joy in seeing the young squad of US player, it has made me think about the collateral damage of a system that needs to cast aside over 99% of individuals to find those special few.

The US soccer pyramid is not truly a pyramid as it has several dysfunctions and offshoots. However due to the lack of a better term, we’ll refer to it as a pyramid. The structure itself is not completely relevant to the discussion.

The collateral damage that I am referring to is not unique to the US, nor is it new. A youth player from the Manchester City academy committed suicide earlier this year. This is the most extreme example of the ways in which young players can be affected by their fall from the soccer pyramid. Every year young players and old are given their release from a club. Sometimes it is simply a move to a different club or different level. Unfortunately when the ultimate decision is made that a player is no longer “good enough” at their particular level of the soccer pyramid, the fall can be devastating if they are not prepared.

In the United States, the academy system is in its relative infancy compared to the rest of the world. The college system used to be the route to the professional game and with it came an education which served as a “back up plan.” Even with that “back up plan” in place, I’m not sure that it deals with the most pressing issue. A player who has devoted over a decade to the dream of “making it” in soccer (however they would define it) needs to have the psychological tools to deal with that disappointment. A parachute can be a literal lifesaver when falling from high heights but it needs to be strapped on tight before the fall.

The following items are some suggestions that can be packed into the psychological parachute for players in case they fall off the pyramid.

  • A diversified identity – Although we are all only one person, we tend to have different roles that we play within our lives. A person with a singular focus like professional athletics can tend to have tunnel vision on that identity. Developing other aspects of one’s life can not only help in the case of a fall but also allow for the release of pressure during their career. Although this identity includes how the individual interacts with the outside world, it is also extremely important that he/she recognize these other identities inside of his/her own mind. The trauma of losing a part of one’s life is much worse if it is the only part that mattered. That void will need to be filled with something and the easiest things to fill a void with are usually destructive.
  • Quality self-talk – There are many ways that this could be characterized but the heart of the issue is that there is only one person that we spend our entire life with: ourselves. Therefore it is extremely important that we make that person who is living inside of our own heads a friend. Learning how to communicate effectively with yourself is crucial to the building and maintenance of self-esteem. For some reason it seems to me that “esteem” gets overshadowed in that compound word. Esteem is a pretty lofty opinion of someone. It should be something that we can bestow onto ourselves with our words and actions.
  • Quality relationships – Again this is something that needs to be packed in the parachute before the fall. People are less likely to help when they feel that they are being used. Friends and family are key components to our psychological well being. The bonds that we have with the people that we value in our lives releases oxytocin which lowers stress (cortisol) and inhibits addiction. If these types of relationships are not well in place before falling from the pyramid, the stress of “not knowing who to trust” can exacerbate an already difficult situation.
  • Physiological hooks – The body is an amazing antidote to most things that ail the mind. While my hope would be that a player of high caliber would understand how to change her/his state for games or practices, it may be less evident to use these tools when “the walls have tumbled down.” Disappointment, embarrassment, depression and a host of other emotional states may be easier to fall into after the end of a career. Recognizing the control that each of us has over our emotional state through our posture, habitual movements, facial expressions and others is a skill that every individual should develop. This is not a sports skill. It’s a life skill! Creating our emotional state is our job because when it is left up to the world, we are bound to be disappointed by the outcome.

This list is far from exhaustive. However it does begin the conversation about the psychological tools that we all should develop. In this hyper-intense world of high level soccer, it is easy to be so focused on a singular outcome that these tools do not get developed. Unlike the college education which was viewed as a “back up plan,” psychological well being should be THE PLAN for all of us in order to make our journey through life an enjoyable one.

Go pack your chute!

Pete

Blogpost, SoccerLifeBalance

POSH Wobble Is Over, Unless…

Pete Huryk

One win in an almost meaningless cup game that was played by fringe players against West Ham’s youth team and POSH is back? The voice of Matt Kisby from the Yellow Block podcast is the one that I hear refuting my claim that the POSH are about to go back on a run. After just listening to their latest episode about Fergie In or Out, I had to put my thoughts out there. The decline in confidence amongst POSH fans is not surprising after a run of losses with 41% saying Fergie Out. However, those numbers will rebound before the end of the season as we push toward promotion.

Fans can be fickle and there are some that have a distaste for Ferguson regardless of the results. It’s hard to moan about a manager who is winning but one that goes on a string of losses, get out the torches and pitchforks. Despite those losses, Ferguson isn’t going anywhere. The owners believe that this manager is the architect for their club. His job is safe through wobbles. Only a complete collapse would be grounds for removal and that isn’t happening. The ship is already heading back in the right direction.

The win against West Ham is relatively meaningless other than the lineup. It was a game that required the lower half of the squad to play. The lineup was consistent with the others from the Papas Johns Trophy. Now it is up to Ferguson to get the players to believe that they are a squad again. The recent downturn in form is not a lack of talent. It is actually due to a squad that is full of talent but it needs to be utilized based on merit. Ferguson knows this and his salty interview is an indication of change to come.

Humans lead with belief and their actions tend to reflect it. Comfortable players do not give you their best effort. So a player who believes that his place in the starting eleven is secure will tend not give everything that he has. The flip side of that coin is that a player who believes that nothing he does will get him into the starting eleven tends to give less than optimal performance as well. Often this belief system will rear its ugly head when the bench player comes on late in a game. Not much time to impress makes every touch of the ball count. So the anxiety of the situation undermines the performance of a fully capable replacement.

The POSH players, both starters and replacements, need to believe that they are part of the equation. Mo Eisa needs to believe that he can contribute and has a chance when someone’s form drops. Sammie Szmodics needs to believe that the team scoring is far more important than him scoring and then goals will come. Ferguson’s frustration in the interview after Portsmouth came from his players underperforming and as Tim said in the Yellow Block Podcast, it is his fault. I truly believe that the team selection and result in the FA Cup caused a downturn in the squad’s belief that had already begun. A rotated squad for that game sends the message to the fringe players that they matter and to the starters that their position is not completely safe. Ferguson has proved time after time in his career that he knows how to strike this balance.

Although the psychology of each individual is important, a team or group also develops their own psychology based on the environment created by the leader/manager. The consistency with which Ferguson has gotten teams to perform at a high level lets me know that he can get this team to believe again. He doesn’t seem to lead completely with “fear.” Hitting that button too many times leads to players who resent their manager (Steve Evans). Whatever was said in the locker room needed to stay there, those who heard it most likely have gotten this message. The free passes are gone. None of us is bigger than all of us and we cannot wait for you to get it right. Unless I’ve completely misjudged him, Ferguson is going to get it right!

Up the POSH!

And listen to the Yellow Block! They’re good lads. (Can I say that as an American? Good guys is what I would normally say.)

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Money Pit

Pete Huryk

Before Tom Hanks was an award winning actor, he played leading roles in several quirky comedies. Movies like Bachelor Party, Dragnet and The Money Pit were not the cinematic triumphs that a modern audience expect from him. However they (and TV shows like Bosom Buddies) were a proving ground for him to hone his craft. The reason that I bring up The Money Pit is that it’s not a great movie but it illustrates the point.

The Money Pit stars Tom Hanks and Shelley Long. They play a couple who decide to buy a house together. After buying the house, it quickly falls apart.The house falling apart is only one of the problems. A construction company is brought in to fix the problems. Tom’s character is told that it will take “two weeks” to make all of the repairs. Months later as he and Shelley’s character move closer toward a breakup, the house is a dumpster fire. Tom is asked by a variety of people if they are “testing missiles” at the house. In the end, it all comes together. The house and his relationship are both fixed by the end of the movie.

This movie is the story of any big endeavor. At the beginning, everything looks like its going to be great. Progressively though, challenges keep on surfacing. The promise of quick results is obviously a lie but you want to believe it. After months or possibly years of trials and tribulation, you have gained traction. The one issue is that you’re not guaranteed the happy ending. The struggle is the only thing that you can count on.

Tom Hanks starred in the Money Pit at the start of his career. It wasn’t destined that he was going to be the actor that we know today. He had to continue to show up in movies and TV shows, getting incrementally better. All of his movies are not box office hits, there are many duds in there. However we see these types of people and because we don’t see the struggle, we assume it was easy for them. It’s almost never easy for anyone! We all fall into the pit (money or otherwise) at some point. The question is whether or not we stay there.

Jump in!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Lies You Tell… Yourself

Pete Huryk

It’s something that we all do at one time or another. Whether it is about that New Year’s resolution that you’re going to keep this year or something much deeper, our lives are lived from a particular point of view. Therefore when compared to the objective 100% truth, there are many times where we’re lying to ourselves.

When I looked up synonyms for the word lie, there is fib, fabrication, deception, falsification, invention, fiction, exaggeration, misinformation and the list goes on. This list gives many different levels of untruth to employ. So many shades of grey where the truth and the lie could easily be mistaken for one another. I’ll leave that middle ground up to you.

The lie that I want you to tell yourself is about that thing that is in the center of your being. That goal, desire or objective that you’re afraid to say out-loud because just the mention of it put tingles up your spine. The most naked truth about who it is that you want to be and I want you to tell yourself that it is going to happen. Not in some magical or mystical Disney movie type of way. Tell yourself that it is going to happen and that you need to make it happen through possibly years of slog and failure. But in the end you will get what it is that you’re looking for. Take a moment and with no regret, falsify, fabricate, deceive yourself into believing that it has to happen.

Then decide. Decide if the life that you live right now is any more satisfying than the lie. If it isn’t then it’s time to get to work. Every single person, who has done something great, had to make this type of decision. Greatness does not spring out of sensibility. It comes from being unreasonable. No matter if the entire world is telling you that you can’t do it, stand up tall with a straight face and say “I can!” Just recognize the fact that until you do, you’re a liar. And that’s ok!

Your pants are on fire!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Don’t Read the Directions

Pete Huryk

I’m pretty positive that I’ve never read the directions to a video game before I played it. The closest that I would have come would be Halo, where you have to go through the tutorial first, which was fine. As a kid growing up in the 80s, you would start to play and figure it out. From time to time, a friend would give a piece of information that would help you to beat a level. However it was basically all trial and error before you had infinite lives and cheat codes. Despite the fact that I’m going into my 45th* year on this planet, I’m going to hold to my childhood ethos of not reading the directions with one exception. Write your directions and read those!

As per usual, I’m not talking video games anymore. We should all get into the trial and error ethos for parts of our lives. However eventually, you pick up a nugget of truth that you should act on regularly but you don’t. The reason that you don’t is because you get distracted by one thing or another. In today’s world, distraction is almost a way of life. So writing down your own directions is not just a good idea, it’s probably 100% necessary.

Here are some questions that you may want to answer about your character as he or she heads out on the adventure.

  • What is valuable to you? To Mario, it’s coins, mushrooms, flowers, etc. A green mushroom is worth 100 coins and if you don’t know that, then you’re not paying attention.
  • What is your power? Pac Man could eat dot and ghost like no ones business. Little Mac was a little boxer with big dreams.
  • How do you get more life or power? Link had to collect hearts to stay alive and got containers to hold more.
  • What drains your life or power? If you are stuck in the video game mindset, now is the time to switch over. The things that drain you are important to identify. They could be hiding inside of a daily habit.

Those questions do not represent everything that you should consider but it is a start. Life may not always feel like a game but many parts of it work that way. At bare minimum, it may be helpful to identify how you can win on a daily basis. If you’ve been sold on a system that has you losing more often then you win, it is time to reprogram!

Power up!

Pete

*I officially declared myself a Martian a few years back. So according Martian years, I am 23 years old, turning 24 in 63 days.

Blogpost, self-reliance

All You Can’t See

Pete Huryk

In non-Covid times, my brother and I would go on an annual Appalachian Trail hike. The beautiful views, camaraderie and reconnection with nature were all good reasons to embark on the hike. One very good reason not to go is the first mile of the hike. It is almost all directly uphill that slopes at 25-45% degrees. It is the hardest part of the hike and it is right at the beginning. Once you get to the top, the world opens up in front of you and you can see for miles into Pennsylvania and New York State. It is truly magnificent! The remainder of the 20+ mile hike is far from easy but it is lined with intermittent views that consistently leave you in awe. The bulk of the price that is paid for those views upfront.

This is a concept that is peppered throughout our lives. Many of the rewards that we are looking for are hidden at the tops of steep climbs. From the bottom, it is impossible to see what the effort will produce for you. However it is plain to see the struggle, difficulty and labor in front of you. So most people don’t start climbing. Having been up that mountain several times, I know the payoff that is coming. In many of the situations that we encounter in life, the payoff is less than guaranteed. The secondary problem is that those endeavors also usually require something that you’ve never done before. This is again will stop many people before they start.

The things that can’t be seen before the start are all of the reasons to begin. The possible rewards are surely something. More importantly is the person that you become at the end of that path. While it’s easy to view ourselves as static individuals, we aren’t. You are a totally different person than you were five, ten, fifteen years ago. Keeping that in mind is crucial. Who will you be five years from now based on deciding to “ascend” or not? There is no doubt that either way, you will still be you. However the paths that you choose will impact what version of yourself shows up. Don’t just look up the mountain and see the climb. See yourself on top and envision how much more of your best self will be available from there.

See you at the top!

Pete

Blogpost

All of Kilimanjaro, Not a Quarter of Everest

Pete Huryk

Focus is more than a skill, it truly is our experience. Whether we realize it or not, there are truly a millions of things going on around us. The only things that leave a lasting impression are the ones that we focus on. Much like the lens of a camera, we can either sharpen or blur our experience based on how attuned our “equipment” is to our world. With all of this action, it’s easy to get distracted by the shiny, convenient, historic, new, expensive or controversial thing. Keeping a singular focus is difficult.

The inspiration for this post is my beloved Peterborough United’s early exit from the FA Cup. They were beaten by Chorley who are a club several leagues below the POSH. It was clearly an upset that now has Chorley in the 3rd round playing against Derby County. I couldn’t be happier! My team lost in the world famous FA Cup and I’m happy? No doubt about it and I hope that we fall out of the other cup competitions too. While I’m sure that the ownership, manager, players and other fans do not share my opinion, it is my muse today. For those of you who do not pay attention to League 1 football in England, the POSH are in third in the league at the moment. Our expressed goal for the season is to earn promotion to the Championship. As many Americans learned in the last episode of Ted Lasso, that is the league below the Premier League.

It’s possible to do two things at once. Walking and chewing gum is simple, unless your hair is on fire! While that seems like an extreme example, it is not completely without merit. Getting to the 3rd round or more in the FA Cup is icing on the cake in a normal year. At the moment, vying for promotion in a pandemic, without fans, playing a compressed schedule, while trying to make a cup run is probably too much. So I say it again, all of Kilimanjaro, not a quarter of Everest!

Each of us in our own lives needs to have a vision for our future. Focus is a key component to whether or not we get where it is that we say we want to go. Regardless of who you are, there are always going to be distractions, obstacles and other prizes on your horizon. Don’t let the “nice to haves” in your world, get in the way of what you really want. There are more than enough stumbling blocks out there, you don’t need to tie your shoelaces together. Find your true north and head in that direction with all due haste.

Up the POSH!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Fealty and Fidelity

Pete Huryk

Language is something that has intrigued me for almost my entire life. I remember distinctly wondering why the change of one letter could get me into trouble. Changing a singular letter in the word “duck” could get my butt beat. Although I didn’t understand the why behind it at the time, I definitely understood the importance of words and getting the words right. Despite the importance of words, we live in a world where there is so much information coming at us that we tend to only take in small chunks of it. Even before this information overload, there were several experiments where letters in the middle of words were jumbled to see if people could still read them. It turned out that as long as the first letter or two and the last letter or two were correct, the text was “readable.”

Whether you share my fascination with language or not, the words that you use to describe yourself and your world matter. Your brain is an extremely complex super computer that can produce astounding results for you, if you program it correctly. The problem is that many of us are consistently shoving poor programming into our minds. Not through any form of malice or contempt, simply due to routine, culture or laziness. Listen the next time that you ask someone “How are you?” You’ll hear a variety of answers that people use automatically. The problem isn’t that the answer is automatic. The issue is the content of what they say is impacting their disposition toward their present situation. “Fine” “Not bad” “Surviving” What the f#@%!?!?!? This exchange is so extremely low stakes as a conversation. The person who is asking may or may not care what the answer is. However YOUR BRAIN IS LISTENING! It heard you just say that you’re “surviving” and it takes that message semi-seriously. Now that super computer can send you all kinds of information to back up that assertion. It can send you pain in body parts or turn your focus to the unfortunate circumstances in your life rather than the great ones. Your brain is your servant and it’s only doing what you tell it to do.

Most of us have not lived life with servants. It’s less common than it was centuries ago. In the past, kings and other members of the ruling class had people who were loyal to them. Or rather they had fealty, a loyalty that was usually associated with living on the king’s land. While fealty is loyalty, it would often come from force rather than choice.

On the other hand there is fidelity. Only a few letters difference but conceptually huge. Fidelity is loyalty by choice. The person serves because they want to rather than are obliged to. Given the choice, which form of loyalty would you rather give to others or have from others? My personal preference would be to give/have fidelity.

Now think of that servant inside of your head. Is it exhausted by the thoughts that you force upon it? Has your routine, culture or laziness condemned your mind to living on the scraps of your poor perspective? Is your poor self-image an inheritance from past events or is it a daily tax that you’ve imposed because you’re afraid to forgive yourself for anything? The quote “The mind is an excellent servant but a terrible master” brings the entire idea into focus. Our mind should be our servant but we should be looking for its fidelity rather than fealty. A servant who chooses to serve will go out of his/her way to improve the life of the master. The one who is forced to serve will only do what is necessary to avoid punishment. Be a good master today and win your own fidelity. Then do the same with others.

Have a great day!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Kill the Deer or Plow the Field

Pete Huryk

No one can deny that we’re a long way from our ancestors. A caveman would be completely baffled by our world. Even our relatives from 100 years ago would find our confusing. Things that they would have considered challenges have been completely conquered. While things that we consider relevant would be laughably inconsequential to them. At the tip of the spear of time, survival is much less of a concern than it has ever been even in a pandemic. Despite the huge difference between our worlds, we exist with basically the same hardware as our ancestors inside of our heads.

Mother nature was smart when she set up the human animal. We are wired to get pleasure out of the things that are going to keep us alive. It’s almost comical that now that we don’t have to “survive” as much, many of those joyous things are the ones that are killing us. But I digress. Historically speaking, humans have been largely hunters or farmers/gatherers. Keeping the simplicity of this in mind, recognize that these are two different skill sets. Both require a form of patience but one is more active. Tracking and hunting often took days. Planting and harvesting took months. Both take skills. Some that were innate and others that were learned. Despite never having experienced our modern perception of a computer, our ancestors had both an operating system and “apps.”

By looking at it in a similar fashion, you need to realize that you have a similar operating system. However the applications that you’re running, don’t always work well with the system. Things tend to develop glitches when your apps don’t align with your basic programming (no computer language pun intended).

Your body/mind want to survive: physically, mentally and socially. Keeping this in mind is important. Even though you’re unlikely to perish in your day to day existence, your basic programming is still trying to avoid it. So whatever problem it is that you’re having, it is probably a disconnect between your modern life and your body/mind’s prehistoric programming.

That assignment or paper that you’re avoiding. It’s not a bear or a lion or even chipmunk but it still causes fear. Not because it is going to kill you. It’s a disconnect between your modern view of school and your prehistoric brain’s need to live in a tribe. If you do something that offends the chief or hurts the tribe, you might be banished and you’ll never make it alone. It’s the possibility of planting seeds that you need for the winter and a drought coming.

The extra pounds that you’ve put on are a disconnect between your modern sense of “attractive” and your prehistoric mind’s need to take on calories whenever they’re available. Set up a system for getting food after a successful “hunt.” Remember that chasing down a deer might have taken days. So our ancestors were probably working on light food until they hit the big score.

Regardless of what you’re struggling with, there is most likely a portion of it that can be traced to a mismatch of your operating system with the world that we live in. On the one hand, this is slightly annoying. On the other, it is liberating. Freedom can be found in the fact that you’re almost never in as much danger as your brain is interpreting. So you’re starting from a place major advantage. Knowing what signals to ignore and how to leverage the helpful ones is your job as a modern day human. Set your mind up so that you can win the ancient game of survival that you’re playing.

Good hunting!

Pete