Month: February 2024

Blogpost, self-reliance

Searching for Éowyn

Pete Huryk

At no point in my twenties did I think that I would be dating again in my forties. Despite the optimism of my former self, I found myself single and living in the world of online dating. My best intentions of finding someone with whom to spend the rest of my life were met with a variety of obstacles: some internal and others external. While I often put my personal past experiences into the blog, that’s not my focus at the moment. The main reason for the post is my perspective on a confused landscape of man/woman courting (yep! old school term but I’m going with it for now).

Searching for Éowyn – I’ve had this concept in mind for a while. If you’re not a “Lord of the Rings” fan, she is a strong female character who plays a crucial role in the defeat of the evil forces in the book/movies. Obviously, she is just a character but she personifies a good amount of what I (and possibly many men) look for. A partner that will have my back as much as I have hers. She is not a damsel in distress who is waiting to be saved but rather an equal partner who is capable in her own right, with her own strengths. My hope is that together, we do what the 20th Century philosopher, Rocky Balboa, said of relationships “fill gaps.” “I’ve got gaps, she’s got gaps. Together we fill gaps.” – Rocky. Basically it is two people who bring things to the table and feel that the combination makes life better for both.

The Confusion – I’m not sure how the process of finding people got so convoluted. Perhaps, it’s the dating apps, or social media, or old rules, or new rules, or players, or haters, or cheaters, or all of the above and a lot more. Regardless, there are lots of people out there getting upset, disappointed, angry and down right frustrated with the situation. I’m always looking to help. At the moment, I’m in the most healthy relationship I’ve ever had and loving it! So maybe this public mental exercise will be useful to someone. If not, it might bring a laugh or two for people who are already squared away in the relationship department. Remember that I only have the man’s perspective. So there may be pieces missing from the equation.

Dating Apps – (Pros) They are a necessarily evil marketing tool that most people are using these days. They’re great and they suck! On the one hand they give you a view into many of the people looking in your area. It’s a wider net to choose from than the old school trope of the local bar scene. Putting some of your preferences out there up front should act as a screening mechanism. It also can be a good filter for initial attraction. Both the physical and mental interest levels can start online before a first meeting. A lack of interest on line does not feel as bad as real life rejection. The pure numbers makes everything less personal.

(Cons) The flip side of the coin is that numbers bring publicity and competition. Putting yourself out there can be scary, and what you get back can be scarier. The very tools that widen the pool of options also invite a host of complications. Profiles can be misleading, conversations can lack the nuance of real-life interaction, and the paradox of choice can leave you feeling more lost than ever. Sometimes it feels like shopping for a connection rather than building one. Add to this the ghosting, superficiality, and occasional toxicity, and it’s clear why so many feel disillusioned.

So, how do you navigate this maze without losing hope? For me, the key lies in staying grounded in your values and knowing what you’re looking for. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s connection. Éowyn may be a fictional ideal, but the qualities she embodies—strength, partnership, and mutual respect—are very real aspirations. Recognize that the path to finding your person might be unpredictable and even messy. It requires patience, resilience, and an openness to the unexpected.

The journey isn’t just about finding the right partner; it’s also about becoming the kind of partner someone else is searching for. That’s the heart of the matter—filling gaps isn’t a one-sided process. It’s a dance of two people who bring their authentic selves to the table, flaws and all, and choose to build something meaningful together.

If you’re still searching, take heart. You’re not alone in the confusion. And if you’ve found your Éowyn, treasure her. After all, strong partnerships don’t just happen—they’re built, one gap-filling moment at a time.

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

Use your time well!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

You Are the Product (21st Century Digital Boy)

Pete Huryk

The playlists (really mixtapes) of my past seem to be churning ideas that I cannot ignore. When you’re a teenager, it’s easy to get caught up in the music and catchy choruses. Despite that possibility, Bad Religion and their catalogue of songs always hit a bit harder. They were more than just songs. They were thought provoking anthems that expanded both my vocabulary and view of the world. As I was considering an idea that I relate to my students often, a line from the BR song “21st Century Digital Boy” popped into my head. “Symbolized bar code quick ID.” In and of itself, this line is meaningless without context. However, where would a modern product be without its bar code?

The concept that I’ve been talking to students about for a while now is that they are “the product.” At the beginning, the discussion circles around the fact that social media apps are not free. The users are the product. Regardless of which platform is being used, the person posting and consuming is both the product and a customer. Their content and eyes are on offer to other companies and consumers. This discussion may seem bleak but it’s not the full on point. While Meta and other companies like it are turning you into a product, the recognition needs to be made that you were always the product.

Despite my job in education, I think that school has caused part of the problem. The system is so pervasive that the individuals within it tend to forget that it’s there for them. They are the product. If they want to be adept at mathematics, writing, a foreign language or other skills, they can be. But if they want to just bide their time and “get through” then that’s also a possibility. While the system may need revamping, it still offers a wealth of possibility to the student. The internet has also offered up more knowledge and skill training than any one person could consume. Regardless of where input is coming from, YOU ARE THE PRODUCT!

Perhaps it makes some people uncomfortable to think this way because they’ve grown used to being a product of other people’s design. Parents, teachers, friends, culture and other forces have tried to shape us throughout the years. Some of those nudges have been with our best interest at heart. Others come with strings and/or ulterior motives. What if you were a product of your own design? The clay that you are may be partially shaped but there is always the opportunity to reshape what’s there.

So, YOU ARE THE PRODUCT! Perhaps I am just playing the “middle class intellectual” (not lazy) but deciding who you want to become cannot be a bad idea. For a song that was written in the 90’s, there is more accuracy in the lyrics than I’d like to admit. Yet, we all have the ability to stem that tide. Shifts at the societal level begin with the individual. And if the societal shift never comes, then at least you’ve impact the value, marketing, longevity or quality of the one product that you use everyday. Lots of people value your time and attention. Value your own!

“Ain’t Life a Mystery?”

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Life Goes On

Pete Huryk

“Little ditty bout Jack and Diane…” In the infancy of MTV, I heard this song more times than I could count. Most of it flew over my very young head. I’d never seen a Tastee Freez before and wouldn’t know what it was for years. Being from New Jersey, the idea of a debutant was far out of my geography and understanding. But the one line that I heard loud and clear was “Life goes on, long after the thrill of livin’ is gone.” At the time, I understood what was being said but as a young person, the thrills of life were all over the place. Even when we claimed to be bored, we weren’t far from possibility.

Now, I think that I’m in that portion of life that Mr. Mellencamp was talking about. Life continues on! However, I’m having trouble swallowing the idea that the thrill of livin’ is gone. So many of the pre-scripted things have passed but I’m not buying the thrill part. That’s a matter of perspective and I think a young version of John Mellencamp may have gotten it at least partially wrong.

The thrill of life does not need to be reduced to that rollercoaster feeling that one gets in youth. The high anxiety that comes with so many firsts in life may be thrilling but it doesn’t need to subside with experience. Our emotional lives are not dictated by the chance of experience but rather the choice of our perception. The thrill of living can be found or created in a moment. It matters less about the age of the perceiver and more about their willingness to be thrilled. To find the beauty in the commonplace. The monumental in the mundane. And the perfection in the imperfect.

No doubt! Life goes on! But whether or not the thrill continues to be present or not is not dictated by chance. It’s a choice. Life is going to continue until it doesn’t. What we do with it is largely up to us and the thrill can be brought back at any time.

“Changes come around real soon!”

Pete

Blogpost, posh

POSH: Math, Hurt and Heart

Pete Huryk

The subject of math is either frustrating or fulfilling for most people. The possibility of finding answers to complex problems can lead to headaches and a feeling of inadequacy, while others see order, music, possibility and definition in our chaotic world. Often Americans try to put statistics into sports in order to understand them better. I’ll touch on it briefly but don’t intend to belabor the point.

A perfect pass would go directly to the curve of the receiving player’s correct foot. Any professional player worth their salt can do this in low pressure situations but as the pressure mounts, passes go off target to a degree. To what degree really matters.

  • A 10 yard pass that is off by 1 degree misses the target by 1/2 a foot.
  • A 30 yard pass that is off by 1 degree misses the target by a foot and a half.
  • A 10 yard pass that is off by 2 degrees misses the target by a foot.
  • A 30 yard pass that is off by 2 degrees misses the target by over a yard.
  • A 10 yard pass that is off by 5 degrees misses the target by over two and a half feet.
  • A 30 yard pass this off by 5 degrees misses the target by over two and a half yards.

In a live and highly competitive match, pinpoint accuracy is difficult (almost impossible). While math may be able to measure the distances, it cannot particularly account for all of the variables, especially the human ones.

“Passes come from the heart.” is one of my favorite lines from the movie ‘Miracle’ that chronicles the journey of the 1980 USA hockey team. Although I’m not sure if Herb Brooks repeated this phrase as often or at all in real life, it sums up one of the variables at work. Passes come from the heart has always been about intent for me. When you care about the person who will be receiving the pass, you tend to put more intention behind it. You want it to be as good as it can be. Some players give quality passes regardless of their feelings about the individual on the other end because they care about the group.

At the moment, the mighty POSH are having a bit of a struggle. The passing and precision that were near perfect for a few months seem to have gone. It’s not. Collectively it’s just off by a few degrees. As soon as one pass misses its mark, the next one tends to suffer. I refer to it as soccer karma. If you give a good ball, you’ll get a good ball. It’s not a mathematical certainty but it creates a framework for an upward spiral.

The transfer market unbalanced a young team that believed in their collective ability prior to January. Now they need to find their way forward (not back). They cannot recreate the past. PK isn’t coming back. EMC has to balance his new multi-million pound transfer with what he means to this team now. Kyprianou and Edwards need to realize that their play for the next few months dictates their value in the transfer market, not the rumors from social media during the window. These are all good things! Wait… What? How can the team being unbalanced by all of this be good? Because these young men will learn from it. They will find a way or they won’t.

As a fan, I will support either result but this is exactly what I’ve signed up for as a POSH fan this season. A young team who need to find their way. They struggled in the beginning and again they are being challenged by the circumstances in front of them. While it feels like we’re miles off from where we were a month or so ago, it’s only a matter of a few degrees. Passes come from the heart and I believe in mine that they’ll find their way back.

Up the POSH!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

My Way

Pete Huryk

For many people in an older generation, these two words are associated with a song sung by Frank Sinatra. Although “Old Blue Eyes” didn’t write the song (Paul Anka did), it is one of his most famous. In the end it’s been reported that he didn’t really like it. Which brings me to my association to the phrase “my way.” In the movie, The Princess Bride, Fezzik is told to kill the ‘Man in Black’ by hitting him in the head with a rock. This order was given to him by Vizzini who was inconceivably outwitted by that same ‘Man in Black’ later.

“It’s not my fault being the biggest and strongest, I don’t even exercise!”

After a little reflection, Fezzik decides that “his way” is not very sportsmanlike. So he decides to fight the ‘Man in Black’ hand to hand. He loses the fight despite his greater size and strength. However, the outcome leads him back to his friend and a new adventure rather than continued servitude to an abusive “genius.” The fact that he didn’t like his way and felt the need to change it lead him to a new path.

We are all on a journey to adventures and destinations that may not be predictable. By all means, if “your way” is working for you, stick with it. I’m not here to play Vizzini and tell you how to take care of your tasks. My only reason for the post is that if “my way” has become a rut that is pulling you off the path to where you want to go, change your “my way.” No matter what you do, it will be “my way” until you stop listening to the gut, the heart, the head or the cajones. One or a combination of these will usually tell you what’s what. But it’s never going to be perfect and the ownership of doing it “my way” makes failure a bit easier to swallow.

“I just want you to fell you’re doing well.” – Fezzik

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Reverse Jason Bourne

Pete Huryk

The Bourne movies were a popular movie franchise starting with The Bourne Identity in 2002. The movie goer is introduced to a character who has no memory of who he is but an impressive skillset. As he searches for information about his identity, he finds more resources: money, multiple passports, weapons, etc. For the rest of the first movie and series, Jason Bourne is equal to every adversary and challenge that confronts him. Despite very little memory of who he is, he uses his skillsets to survive and counteract nefarious forces. 

What if the story were the opposite? Rather than losing all of his memories, he lost all of his skills. As a covert operative for the CIA, he would probably get killed pretty quickly. The first fist fight, car chase, or sticky situation would end with Jason Bourne becoming Jason dead. It would not make for a very compelling movie, UNLESS! He started working to get those skills back. One of the reasons why movies are such a popular medium of storytelling is that they cut out the mundane and trivial. They only focus on the crucial elements of the story. So you would see Jason start practicing with knots and 30 seconds later, he would have the skill back. In real time, weeks or months may have passed with several bathroom breaks etc. in between. But in movie land… 30 seconds. The one advantage that ‘memory Jason’ would have over ‘skills Jason’ is that he could be more discerning about the skills he needed. He might know that learning French again was a waste of time because he doesn’t need to go back to Paris. 

Even though I’ve made a slight plea for the second storyline, we all know that the first is far more captivating because it creates drama and an almost dreamlike situation. Many people want to have an unlimited skillset. It’s easy to want it but most people are either waiting for a Matrix-like situation or can’t sit through the slog of skill acquisition because it’s not 30 seconds. While the second movie is less riveting, it is the opportunity that we all have. 

Our memories of our life show up like a movie. We have the highlight reel of what’s happened thus far and a set of skills. What if you took the time to acquire some new skills? They wouldn’t need to be Brazilian jiu jitsu or aggressive driving techniques but rather things that fit your life. Like learning Spanish, so that you can understand your Ecuadorian mother-in-law when she comes to the house to visit. Wood carving, so that you can make personalized gifts for friends and family rather than buying them. Or public speaking so that you feel confident in front of a room of people. There’s a list below to start the brainstorming.

As Tom Bilyeu says often, “Skills have utility.” At the moment, your present skillset has taken you this far. In order to get where you want to go, what skills do you need to acquire? Your movie is far from over and this could be the moment where the main character (yep that’s you) turns in a new direction. Just don’t forget that this is not going to be easy. Seth Godin’s concept of “the dip” applies to almost any new endeavor. You’re going to get excited and get some early wins but then, you’re going to have a long period where you see limited progress for major effort. It’s called the dip and you need to get through it.

You’re not Jason Bourne! You’re you. The story of your life up until this point is context but nothing more. The skills that you have are something but not everything. It may be worth the thought exercise to consider. If a person who is used to existing with infinite skills were dropped into your life, what would they do? What would they look to reacquire? Where would they focus? What would they prioritize? Then choose to go down that rabbit hole or not. You’re the main character. Figure it out!

Who are you?

Pete

List of possibilities:

  • Learn a new language for heritage or travel reasons. Duolingo and other apps are available with your phone.
  • Learn to sew, carve, knit, crochet, etc. These skills are productive and keep the mind sharps.
  • Learn to play an instrument. It’s never too late and you do not particularly need to take lessons initially. There are lots of resources on Youtube etc. to start you out.
  • Learn self-defense. While Brazilian jiu jitsu may be unnecessary, feeling confident in your ability to protect yourself may be well worth the time and attention.
  • Learn to meditate. It may seem likes it’s not much of a skill but it helps with the calming of one’s mind rather than buying into the stress of a moment.
  • Learn to cook. The ability to do more than put something in the microwave is a practical, helpful and confidence building skill. It also teaches a lot about expectations, failure and process.
  • Learn about home repair and maintenance. Most of the things that need to be fixed in your home are probably not beyond your ability. It may just take a bit of research and trial/error.
  • Learn how to engage with people in meaningful ways. Jason Bourne may a solitary figure, but that doesn’t mean you need to be. Figure out how to engage with new people or become better with the people you already know.
Blogpost, posh, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

Don’t Overvalue Your Value!

Pete Huryk

“In time or so I’m told, I’m just another soul for sale! Oh well!” -Foo Fighters

The January transfer window just ended. Some clubs will feel like they “had a successful” window, while others will feel like they lost out. For the club I support, I just want the window to recede into the distance as quickly as possible. While I’m making this observation from a really far distance, my view is that the window unsettled a few of our consistent performers. 

For a little while in January, players are valued (very publicly) at certain levels by both the club who owns their contract and ones that are interested. Despite my vivid imagination, I cannot get an accurate picture inside of my head how it must feel to have millions of dollars/pound/euros/etc. associated with your name.  There is a great scene from the movie Bull Durham where Crash Davis professes that Nuke’s arm is “worth a million bucks a year! All my limbs put together aren’t worth 7 cents a pound.” It’s got to be hard on both sides. The million dollar men must feel a certain amount of pressure to live up to that price tag. While on the other side of the coin, only having lower offers or no offers come in must be difficult on the psyche of young players especially. A month ago, several players within the club could not put a foot wrong. They were firing on all cylinders. For the past few weeks, there have been signs of men caught in too many minds. My hope is that this fades as February moves forward.

While very few of us are professional athletes with transfer fees associated to our names, it’s still easy to get caught up in our value. Whether it’s the amount we earn per annum or the connection with loved ones, there is a temptation to want to know or feel our value. Many of us look for reassurance that we’re “doing a good job” and are wanted. While it’s a normal thing for people to want, it’s completely out of our control. The value that comes from the outside world is not truly up to us. We do not get to decide the value that others put upon us. All we can do is BE VALUABLE!

It’s semantics yes but it’s also the only thing that can be done. Doing the things that are important to the team, your family, the company, etc. is all that you can do. Whether you have an agent or not, your job is to be valuable (or take it away from the financial, be useful). The transfer window is closed. So now is the time to get people to notice you. Do the things that truly matter. Be the one that they can’t live without because you add so much. No one is ever going to put an accurate price tag on your head, so don’t let it affect how you play your game. Even if you’re not an athlete!

“What if I say I’m not like the others!” -Foo Fighters

Pete