As the third in a line of Petes, there are several clever lines that have been used with my name. One of my dad’s favorites was “My name is Pete and this is my son, Repete.” Obviously a dad joke of major proportions. I used to think there was more to my name. There seemed to be a certain amount of pressure put on me to follow in my father’s footsteps. It was largely internal but I still felt it. That’s why I decided not to name my son after me.
At this point in time, I feel almost none of that pressure to be like my dad. However I do put the pressure on myself to remain consistent with who I have been. It’s a mental tug of war at times. The forces of habit and consistency pitted against change and new horizons. There is not a crowned champion in this battle. It waivers.
There are things that will never win out. Those actions are un-Pete. They are things that no one will ever see from me. Lines that cannot be crossed. It’s comforting to know that there are things that we just won’t do. It’s often said that “character is what you do when no one is watching.” It is also the things that never cross your mind to do.
I might have said something like this before. Sorry! I tend to “repete” myself! Hahaha
I cannot take credit for this quote. The origin may not be from Sylvester Stallone but that’s where I heard it. “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Like so many of the quotes that stick with me, it reframes an idea in such a way that makes me want to take action. The idea of going through hell is overwhelming. It is the place of true suffering and the landlord leaves a lot to be desired. So the quote brings the full picture into focus. If you are in the worst place, keep moving until you get out. Even hell must have some form of boundary and just like New Jersey, you probably have to pay a toll to leave. Regardless, the idea of staying is unthinkable (in hell, not NJ, love the Garden State). So it’s in your best interest to put feet to pavement (or hot coals) and get the hell out of there!
Portion of the album cover to “Number of the Beast” by Iron Maiden. Original painting by Derek Riggs.
“That’s easy for you to say! You don’t know what I’m going through!” You’re absolutely right! Words are cheap but let’s forget that for a moment because that will always be true. Is that what you need? Someone who understands what you’re going through? There are support groups for just about everything under the sun at this point. Chances are that someone out there could understand your situation but would it really help? Or is it just easier to feel badly about the situation? These are legitimate questions that might be worth answering. If you need the understanding, search it out.
Just like so many other situations, an unwanted vacation in hell can be remedied by three words: vision, chunking and reasons. You need to have a vision for where you want to be, not a focus on where you are. The road is most likely going to be long and painful but if you can chunk it down or break it into pieces, progress can be seen more easily. Finally, you need reasons. In Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, he talks about his experiences in the Nazi concentration camps. People needed to develop reasons to carry on in those inhuman circumstances.
Perhaps the situation that you are in is not exactly hell, the three words still work. Regardless of who you are or what your circumstances, we all run up on hard times. Often, our reaction to them is how we end up defining ourselves.
Thank God It’s Friday! is a phrase that has been uttered far to many times in the modern work world. It’s close cousins of “two weeks to vacation, ______# of days until school is out, ” etc. While I understand the sentiment and I am very in favor of having things to look forward to in the future, the idea of lamenting the present is troublesome. If we truly are only “working for the weekend” as Loverboy put it, then we’re giving away five sevenths of our lives. Work, school and other obligations may seem like necessary evils to be endured but what if they could be something more?
The week can be daunting if the only thing that you pay attention to is the “have to’s”. Our focus determines our reality. Even though the obligations of our lives may take up a majority of hours, they do not need to take up the majority of our emotional bandwidth or possibly even focus. The other possibility is that they do not need to be characterized as negative experiences. Since we live so much of our lives in these spaces, perhaps we could see them in a positive or at least neutral light. Most of us don’t work in a coal mine or an asbestos factory. We are plugging away in places that probably have the possibility for joy but we go into the day seeing the grind. It might be your coworkers who bring the positive flavor or the environment. There is a good possibility that the perspective may not change to “sunshine and roses.” It may just be a transition to a feeling of neutrality. Regardless, the slog of the day should not overtake the fact that it is still a day in your life. If all you’ve done is “made it through the day”, then the day was not as valuable as it could have been.
By all means! Have a crap day when one comes along. That is a far cry from trying to bypass every day until some desirable situation finally comes along. We were not meant to live only 28-36% of the time (2/7 or 2.5/7 depending on whether half of Friday counts). Our lives being put on fast forward is not a great plan for fulfillment. Even when our lives are filled, it does not mean that they are fulfilling. Find ways to make today worth living regardless of the “to do’s” on your list.
My first job was working at an apple orchard. My brothers and I were paid twenty-five cents per box of apples that we picked up from the ground. Since these apples had already fallen, they were not able to be sold for eating. So they were used to make cider. There was a decent amount of opportunity to make some money from this deal. If we were diligent about our work, filling a box was not too difficult or time consuming. Generally speaking though, we weren’t overly effective at our job. We semi-lazy preteens who spent as much time talking as we did picking, probably more.
Outside of Hackettstown, NJ. My first job was at Best’s Fruit Farm. It’s apple season now.
Although we were not titans of the cider industry, that experience held a lot of lessons in it. Recently I started thinking about the actual apples though. The most valuable apples are the ones that are picked at the right time and sold for eating. The ones that fall to the ground are worth far less as cider or possibly worth nothing if they rot. Although it doesn’t happen much with apples, there are fruits that “die on the vine.” Usually this is due to a lack of nourishment. While most of don’t give much thought to the growth of fruit, we just buy it at the store, have it sit on the counter for a week and forget to eat it before it goes bad. Or maybe that’s just me at the moment! Regardless, it is a great metaphor for our dreams and goals. It got me thinking about how most dreams die. Do they die on the vine due to a lack of nourishment? Or do they fall before they’ve been picked, essentially a lack of timing or attention.
It’s really hard to say because it depends on a lot of factors. However, if I was pressed for a guess, I’d say that it was more than likely that most dreams die on the vine rather than falling to poor timing. Humans are amazing creatures with so many positive attributes. Despite all of the positives that we possess, there is rampant pessimism within our species. We tend to see all of the things that could go wrong before we even start. Therefore we do not pump the metaphorical juice into things. Our preference is to only give resources to the fruits that we “know” will ripen. On the one hand, this is not a bad strategy. We do not have infinite resources: time, energy, attention, etc. These are only a few of the ingredients that are needed to bring anything to life. So the high probability (low hanging) fruit may seem like the right move. Unfortunately it tends to leave almost nothing for the low probability but more valuable dreams. So much of life is spent producing results that just about anyone could.
We watch as our dreams shrivel and die as they get none of our time and attention. Yet our boxes are filled with “cider apples” that do not inspire us or anyone else. They represent a variety of minimal effort endeavors that we do not long or ache for. We only chose them because they were basically guaranteed to work out. So maybe this apple season, it is time to let some of those easy dreams fall to the ground in favor of a few long shots. It’s possible that you’ll come up empty handed. Or maybe you’ll find that that sweet juices were worth the extra effort!
“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” While this is believed to be the motto of the US Postal Service, it truly is not. Although the words are engraved above the entrance to the 8th Avenue Post Office in New York City, it actually comes from Book 8 of the Persian Wars by Herodotus. However it is a guide that helped to shape that organization. Have Post Offices closed due to weather? No doubt. Has a postman left mail undelivered? Absolutely. A motto is not always a prime directive that cannot be broken. It is usually more of a rule of thumb. A way to know if you’re on the right path. Will there be special circumstances? Surely. It is not a problem that the USPS doesn’t always follow this “motto”. Possibly the bigger issue is, do you even have one?
This might seem funny because you are not a corporation or organization. Having a motto, vision or set of principles to live by can be daunting. It would be much easier to “go with the flow.” Or not “put yourself in a box.” Who wants to put limitations, expectations and consternations into their life? The answer is probably you! There’s enough science around about decision fatigue and the overwhelming nature of our world. Perhaps the Post Office guiding idea is exactly what is needed in many of our lives. There doesn’t need to be an exceedingly high bar for your motto. More than anything the idea is to breed consistency. The mail is going to get delivered and despite these obstacles, we’re still going to show up. Each of us has those types of things that we can be consistent about. It does not need to be a prison or a form of indentured servitude. Simply a statement of who you are.
“Persistently Chasing Excellence” was something that I developed years ago. The idea was to follow in the footsteps of the Jeffersonian concept of the “Pursuit of happiness.” Having a motto that lent itself toward forward motion was important. Although I have goals for myself, they are disparate. Depending on the part of my life and present circumstances, they could change vastly. However I could always hang my hat on the fact that I was chasing excellence on a regular basis. Even if I was doing it poorly, I could feel as though I was living into my purpose in some way.
So what is your motto? It doesn’t have to be original or even 100% accurate. Steal it from somewhere! Nike’s “Just Do It” was stolen from the last words of a death row inmate. Try to ignore that thought next time you see a Nike ad! Regardless, it could be a powerful way for you to take yourself to that next level. Consistency is a strong force in the human psyche. If you were a company, what would be your motto? The do your best to live by it.
I’ve given myself exactly twenty minutes to write this blogpost because I’ve been staring at a blank screen for a bit too long. Somehow humans seem to be able to conjure up motivation or inspiration when there is a deadline. It truly doesn’t make very much sense since it is all in our heads. The measurements of time that we use are completely made up as is the “pressure” of the moment. Despite their artificiality, they are effective. What would we do without these constructs? More than likely we’d only respond to our most basic needs.
By putting myself under this pressure, I’ve taken back some form of control that I had lost in moments prior. Although most people would say that they don’t enjoy pressure, it is one of those forces that coerces us to action. Historically we were not a lazy species but our lives of limited pressure and overt comfort have let that disposition spread. So modern living is more of a mental exercise than it is a physical one. We must contort and push ourselves mentally in order to induce action (either mental or physical). It’s a silly game but possibly necessary.
So what is it that you must do today that is not getting done? The next question becomes, what mental game do you need to play with yourself to make it happen? Are you going to use time, incentives, punishments, rewards, social pressure….? The list goes on and on but the realization that is hanging out there is, IT’S YOU AGAINST YOU! The battle is more than likely one with yourself and no one else. So be ready for the fight because if you’re anything like me, it’s not a foregone conclusion that the task will get done.
As a father, I made the realization a long time ago that I am “uncool.” Even if that’s not the word that’s being used anymore to describe something of value at the moment. I know that I’m not that thing that kids want to be or become. That ship sailed and I’m kind of glad. The liberation that comes with being uncool is AMAZING!!! Since I am no longer eligible to be cool, there are fewer restrictions on me. I can say jokes that I know are not funny without repercussion. They tend to be called “Dad Jokes” in our honor.
One of the best advantages to this status is that I can like almost whatever I want. In the pursuit of being cool, it seems like the decisions about what you should like are made by other people. Also, liking something too much is also a problem. Ambivalence and aloofness are often traits that need to be honed. At my age, I just don’t have time for that anymore. The payoff is never going to come my way, so why even try. My only wish was that this state of life could have come a bit earlier. Not just for my sake but for everyone.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to actually be able to tell someone that you like them without posturing? The mathematics that are required to figure out how much or little attention to give to someone or something of interest are not taught in high school Algebra. It is far too complex of an equation to figure out because it comes from both sides and is pressured by community standards. Since the equation is too tough, we need to do the dance and try to look cool. I’m not sure when this started but I wish that it could stop. At a certain point in history, I would love for kids to be able to feel comfortable enough in their own skin to shun cool. The problem is that there are very few winners and most people end up feeling like “losers.” If only everyone could “levitate” above quagmire that has been created (shout out to Dua Lipa, look at me trying to be cool!).
My suggestion would be to start the freedom of the uncool much earlier because the currency of cool only lasts for a short time. Eventually that currency that was so important becomes worthless. Then you need to figure out where you stand without it. The substance of who you are is much more than the perception points that you get from people who don’t truly care about you. The true you lies somewhere underneath! Even if they were looking, I’m not sure the cool people could see it!
For many years now, I have stated my preferred level of fame. I want to be “Tom Skerritt famous.” This level of fame is perfect for me. Although Tom Skerritt is famous, he is not someone that you would stop on the street for a photograph or autograph. Most people would comment to their friend about how they “saw that guy that was in Top Gun or Steel Magnolias or (insert another TS movie here).” His level of discomfort is probably pretty low. Weighing the positives and negatives, my guess would be that it’s more positive than negative.
Tom Skerritt with some other actor in Top Gun.
Each of us has our own levels for what we would tolerate to get our objectives. I know without a doubt that Michael Jordan level of commitment to basketball is not inside of me. Although many would like to believe that they want to play on the world stage, they just aren’t willing to put in that level of work. If you’re not willing to get up at 6am to go for a run, you’re also not cut out for the NBA or Hollywood or (insert high level endeavor here). The key is having your aspirations match your dedication. There is nothing wrong with aiming for Tom Skerritt famous, if that’s where you want to be.
So rather than looking at people who are performing under bright lights and feeling a pang of jealousy, look at what you’re willing to do when no one is looking. That’s how those people got there in the first place. They worked for years before anyone knew who they were, hoping that they’d get noticed. In some ways they were probably like the rest of us but then they did something about it. You don’t need to want to walk down the red carpet. There are thousands of other locations that you could prefer to strut your stuff. A local karaoke place or the stage as you get your high school diploma are completely worthy places to make your personal mark. Just decide for yourself! Don’t feel pressured to be something that is inconsistent with your objectives. The work will need to come before the reward, so set your expectations on that rather than the promise of fame and fortune. Do you work and see what rewards come from it!
Social media is definitely a strange animal in a lot of ways. While it is “free”, it costs a lot of things including, time, privacy and other things of value. It is also odd from the perspective that a person who uses the social media is both the product and the customer. If everyone stopped posting on Instagram and only looked, it would eventually become banal. Also if people only posted but did not pay attention to anyone else’s content, the lack of “likes”, shares and other social media capital would make people question the value of posting. For this moment in time, we are both product and customer in this space. It is odd to say the least but I’d like to use this realization to focus on a truth that we all need to embrace. You are the product!
For years I’ve been saying to this to students, it did not come from my own personal realization but rather a description of the social media model. We’re all “selling” ourselves in little ways every single day. The question is whether or not we realize it and embrace it. The reason that it comes up so naturally in a school setting is that students often get confused about what school is for. In many ways, it is viewed as a low security prison where they must “do their time.” Grades are the currency of school and they are “given” grades, rather than “earning” them. The information or skills that they acquire are often viewed as incidental. History class is something to get an “A” in rather than a place to become a more informed citizen. This transactional view is not particularly new but it is contrary to why these systems were originally invented. So if you’ve never considered it before, let me state it very clearly! YOU ARE THE PRODUCT!!!
School may not be the absolute best example of how this should be applied since we often spend time in classes that do not serve our personal goals. So even though I am a firm proponent of education, that student who is reading a programming book in the back of French class is not betraying this thought process. The kid, who is scrolling through his friends’ Instagram posts, might be. As both the product and the product developer, it falls to you to decide on the specifications, marketing strategy and pricing of your product. It can be odd to think of yourself in this way but it’s also easy get caught in the traps of daily existence that devalues who you are.
That value is not particularly calculated in dollars and cents, it can be in self-esteem. Often that is the currency that we are dealing with because most of our existence is inside of our own minds. So the questions that are asked on the inside about value, quality and marketshare, all matter. How can you make yourself a better product? Not particularly for sale to other people, although in the job, friend or relationship market, that may be your thought process. The first person that you need to sell on the concept of yourself is you. Is this version of yourself one that you’re happy with? Is it time to upgrade, simplify or stay the course? No one else can answer that question. Regardless, it is worth asking. Does reading that book get you closer to being the YOU that you would be proud of? Or is it just window dressing for someone else? These are all questions that only you can answer because no one has their hands on the controls as much as you do. It is possible that you’ve been selling yourself in the bargain bins of Walmart but you belong in the glass showcases at Tiffany’s. If you don’t take a moment to consider, you might not be getting your true market value. Crabs and lobsters are “bottom feeders” but even they have a market value. They’re not cheap either. So you’ve got some things to consider. Maybe this was just a bit of intellectual tail chasing with a lot of semantics to make it seem more grandiose. Or maybe this is exactly the thing that you needed to get your stock to rise. That’s for you to decide!
What will your value be when the gavel hits today?
Before every company had a streaming service, there was the DVR. Before that, it was the DVD. And before that, the VCR! With its clunky cassettes and a clock that almost no one knew how or cared enough to set to the correct time. Therefore it always showed 12:00. By modern standards, the VCR is a dinosaur. Its limitations make it laughably simplistic but it was a necessary step in the evolution of entertainment. It was quite possibly the last one that required real time interaction with its human operator. Regardless, I’m going to use it as a quick representation on moving toward one’s dreams.
V – The first letter stands for VISION! It is necessary to have some sort of picture inside of your mind’s eye about where you want to go or what you want to do. If you don’t have the target inside of your head, you won’t hit it. This is obvious and simple but often people have too general of a target and therefore anything looks like progress. Be specific about what it is that you want or else you’ll only get something that looks a little like it.
C – The second letter stands for CHUNK! Specifically I’m talking about breaking that vision into chunks that will be achievable. A vision can be huge and overwhelming. When broken into chunks, it feels much more manageable and achievable. I love the old phrase, “there’s only one way to eat an elephant, one bite at a time.” Of course I’m not a proponent of eating elephants but the statements holds the greatest truth. Anything can be broken into enough pieces that it is achievable. So whatever your vision is, break it into small enough pieces for you to digest.
R – Even though it is last, it’s probably the most important, REASONS! Having a vision and breaking it into pieces are both easy. I just had a vision of me running a marathon. My chunks would be slowly increasing distances over the coming months in order to prepare with long runs on the weekends and shorter more intense runs during the week. It’s meaningless!!! I’ve run a marathon before. It was a great experience but at the moment, I don’t have any reason to run one. Of course I could create all kinds of reasons. The reasons are where the power is and that is all up to you! People quit smoking because their kid coughed in the back seat of the car, not because of the pain of lung cancer. Humans have an amazing ability to create reasons to do anything and everything.
So now it is on you! What is your vision? What are the individual steps that will get you there? And why do you want to make it happen? It’s not overly complicated but if you follow through on doing each step well, you’ll get where you want to go. No doubt about it. Just make sure the reasons are enough. You want to find “rocket fuel” reasons rather than charcoal. Charcoal may get you to some places but if you’ve got a big vision, it may take a long time.
Huryk Unlimited 