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Choose Your Near Death Experience

Pete Huryk

Rocky Feet

This photo was taken on January 18th 2015 at approximately 7:15am.  If you don’t recognize the location, this is the top of the steps at the Philadelphia Museum of Art affectionately known as the “Rocky Steps”.  The relevance of the time and the date is that it was lightly raining that morning but the temperature dropped suddenly and the steps became extremely slick.  About thirty seconds after I took this photo, I started my descent, slipped and fell on the steps.  My upper back and pelvis both hit the points of two steps.  I lay there on my back for a moment with no air in my lungs trying to decide just how hurt I was.  Thirty seconds after standing on a spot of personal inspiration, I was on my back wondering if I could get up.

After peeling myself off the ground and determining that I was battered but not broken, I slowly worked my way back to my hotel.  As I walked, I thought of how close I could have been to real injury.  The “what if” question ran through my mind several times when finally, my thoughts rested on George Lucas.  His fate was changed by a near fatal car accident.  It changed his entire perspective on his life and what he was doing.   Many people have near death experiences that change their lives forever.

The key to the near death experience is that it reminds us how temporary life is.  We often forget for long stretches of time that in essence we’re dying.  The number of tomorrows that we will get is limited.  So today’s value is enhanced because we got so close to not having a tomorrow.

Rather than waiting for that experience to come, shouldn’t we just choose it instead.  Choosing a life that recognizes how close death could be.  What if your actions of today were what determined whether or not you got a tomorrow?  How would you live?  Would you have any doubts about the things that were priorities?  It all becomes clear when tomorrow isn’t a guarantee.

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I’m Sting, Not Mozart

Pete Huryk

We each have multiple groups of friends and colleagues with whom we have a certain amount of influence.  Within one of my colleague groups, I am referred to as Sting.  Much like the famous singer of the Police, I am a few years older than the other group members and my input carries a little more weight.  The role of “Sting” is one that I embrace and take seriously because I want to help my colleagues along their journey.

Influence is a currency that varies in value based upon the group.  Much like monetary currency, the dollar may be valued more than the Mexican Peso but less than the Kuwaiti Dinar.  The key is recognizing your influence and when you should be giving versus collecting.

I embrace my role as Sting but also recognize that I’m not Mozart.  Sting’s influence is in a very specific genre over a specific time period.  I’m sure that he has influenced millions of people with his music.  However Mozart influenced music itself and that influence has lasted for centuries.  If it were possible for Sting to be in a room with Mozart, I am sure that Sting would know to listen first rather than tell Wolfie about his Grammy for “Don’t Stand So Close to Me”.   Perhaps Sting has something to offer Mozart but assuming that is true is foolish.

There are so many people in this world to learn from.  If you are too busy shouting the autobiography of your greatness to everyone, you may not recognize the possible treasures in front of you.  Be comfortable with who you are.  Whether you’re Sting, Adele, Greg Graffin or Steve Zarodnansky, you have something to offer.  Just don’t assume you’re Mozart because even he has more to learn.

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Finish Him/Her/It!

Pete Huryk

For any of us who spent way too many quarters at an arcade, that phrase is easily identifiable. In “Mortal Kombat” that phrase meant that your enemy was basically beaten and all you needed to do was perform one last lethal blow to add an exclamation point to your victory.  I remember vividly spending countless hours mastering special moves or trying to complete a level on a range of video games.  As meaningless as the games might have been, we were finishers.

In the megapixel world of video games things are much easier and more defined.  There is a sequence to things.  Levels become incrementally harder.  Resources show up basically right before you need them.  The problem is that as fun as the game might be, life is the game that counts.

There are a hundred different directions to take this metaphor but I’m going straight for the throat.  FINISH IT!!!!  Whatever it is that you set in front of yourself.  Being a great starter means nothing if you’re not a finisher.  Anyone can tell you about the two pounds they lost, the two weeks that they lifted weights or the book they started five years ago.  It’s all worthless without the finish.  That moment when your goal is teetering on the edge of defeat and you deliver that lethal strike.

Finish it.  Be methodical, don’t cut corners but finish it.  Decide before you start that you’re going to finish.  If you’re not committed to the finish, then don’t commit to the start.  Finish it!

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You Won the Lottery! Don’t Waste It!

Pete Huryk

Are you saying to yourself, “I didn’t win the lottery.  If I did, I surely wouldn’t waste it.”  YOU DID WIN THE LOTTERY but we’ll deal with that in a moment.  It’s easy to look with contempt at the people who seemed to have it and then lost it.  Examples like MC Hammer, Mike Tyson and Kim Basinger are ones that pop into my mind.  They all had millions of dollars coming in yet they went bankrupt.  How could they let this happen?  There are all kinds of reasons: mismanagement, overindulgence, lack of a defined plan or stupidity.  It seems really simple.  If I were to win the lottery, I’d be able to keep it all together.  It would be easy.

So now to the point, you did win the lottery.  You won the “Birth Lottery”.  If you’re reading this, then you have access to the internet and probably live in the US, Canada or Europe.  You weren’t born into slavery.  Through your life, you’ve probably been loved, fed and educated pretty regularly.  Although you don’t have as much as some people near the top, you’re so far ahead of the people at the bottom that it’s a joke.  Starvation, malnutrition and imminent death are probably not on your worry list for today.  So since you won the birth lottery, what are you going to do with it?

Your perspective on your life will determine heavily what you will do with it.  You can choose to see your place in life as a burden or difficult.  Or you can realize that you already won the lottery and not waste it.

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It’s Not You, It’s Me

Pete Huryk

Relationships are complex things with hundreds or possibly thousands of moving parts.  When things break down and relationships end, all parties should take stock of themselves and their part in the demise.  For some this self inspection can be difficult and painful.  Often when the end comes, the phrase is uttered “It’s not you, it’s me.”  Sometimes this may be true but if we want our next relationship to be better than the last, we cannot assume that it is.

From my own experience and watching others at the end of relationships, the tendency for many is to totally discredit the other.  “She was a b____!”  “He was such an a________.”  The problem that I’ve always had with that is, what does that say about me?  I just spent 6 months, a year or two years with this person.  Now all of the sudden, they are a horrible person.  It doesn’t make any sense.  At bare minimum, that would mean that I need to fix my selection process but rarely is that it.  The only thing that you can control is yourself.  So all of the power is in discerning our faults from the faults of the other.

If we assume that we are faultless, then we learn nothing.  It is always easiest to point the finger at the other person but it does nothing for us.  By looking at our faults, it forces us to do something about them.  This is uncomfortable but growth often is.  The reason for this failed relationship is to prepare you for the next one and eventually one that you will maintain for life.  Like so many other parts of life, it is necessary to “fail forward” in relationships.  It may not feel good at the moment but it will get us where we need to go.

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Anchor Someday to Today

Pete Huryk

Someday is a great concept with an infinite amount of possibility.  “Someday I’ll get that new car.  Someday I’ll meet that special someone.  Someday we’ll get that bigger house.  Someday I’ll feel better about myself.”  The problem with someday is that it is like a ship floating off in the distance.  The only way to get someday to come is to lasso it, anchor it to the spot where you stand and pull it in.

Today is all that we ever truly have.  So if we want someday to eventually become today, we need to connect the two.  I don’t know what your someday dream is but it will probably require a lot of pulling.  Each and every day you need to do something to get you closer to that someday.  At times it will seem like you’re making no progress.  It may seem like it is impossible.  Then you’ll find out which is more important: wasting today or using it to turn it into someday.

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New Year + Resolution + Old You = Same Old Same Old

Pete Huryk

The act of making a New Year’s Resolution is a good concept.  Taking the opportunity to start fresh with a brand new set of goals is admirable.  The problem is that most people don’t follow through on their new resolutions.  There are many reasons why most resolutions fail.  Below are some of the normal pitfalls and suggestions on avoiding them.

  • Going It Alone – Change often takes willpower and some people are in short supply of it.  So one way to increase your chances of making a change is to partner up with someone.  The small group adds a bit of social pressure that feels less like will.  Or even better, join a new peer group where your desired outcome is the norm.
  • Biting Off More Than You Can Chew – People often set themselves up for failure by trying to make too many changes.  Start with bite-size chunks that are manageable.  Break it down into a daily basis where it doesn’t seem so overwhelming.  Also set up systems that help make things automatic.  Program a wake up call in your phone and put your shoes by your bed if you want to run every morning and reward yourself for little successes.
  • Bringing Old You to the New Year – If you would like to make a change in your life, don’t bother making the resolution.  There’s not enough power of emotion behind that.  You need to get to the point where you need to make a change because it is who you truly want to be in your soul.  Change is inconvenient, difficult and a Do It Yourself project.  Come up with all of the reasons why this must happen and you might have a chance.
  • Confusing Progress and Success – Often people walk the first five miles of a thousand mile journey and become satisfied with their progress because this is the farthest they’ve ever gone.  Define the endpoint  and keep it in mind.  Don’t be satisfied with anything less.
  • Making Setbacks into Failure – Everyone screws up, stumbles, forgets and blows things off.  Don’t beat yourself up.  If the goal is worth having, then it is worth going through some missteps.  Will you only be satisfied with having your goal if you never faltered once?  Then don’t even start, we all screw up.

As is always true, these posts are as much for me as they are for you.  Good luck in 2015!  Make it a great year on purpose.

 

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Webster’s and Facebook Identity Polls

Pete Huryk

What does the New Year bring you?  Which Greek god are you?  Which Star Wars villain are you?  What character from classic literature are you?  What state should you live in? These are all Polls that I’ve seen on Facebook at one time or another.  They can be an interesting diversion for five minutes but why do we see so many pop up on our news-feed?  They show up because they are popular and people take them regularly.  But why?

Identity is something that is extremely important to people.  We want to know who we are and be sure that others see us that way.  One of the most difficult periods of a person’s life is often called an “identity crisis”.  People realize that they are no longer what they once were.  This can result in major life upheaval.  Consistency in identity is extremely important to most of us.

One of the best examples that I have of this is my cousin Kerry.  He is a distance runner, exercise enthusiast and pretty strict about his diet.  Despite all of his healthful choices, he had used chewing tobacco since he was in college.  The chewing tobacco was a long standing habit, even longer than the running and exercising.  Kerry knew it was bad for him and had tried to quit it several times but the bad habit persisted until I made an random comment to him.  “If you’re the ‘fitness guy’, then why do you still dip?”  That question changed everything.  In order to keep in line with his identity, he had to quit tobacco and he did.  His identity was being questioned by someone else and therefore he had to decide who he really was.

The thing that scares me about the FB polls and online forums is that we seem to be looking for others to define us.  “Tell me who I am because I don’t know.”  As a teacher, I see this too often with my students.  Clothes, hair, opinions, and everything else seems to change with the whims of what is popular.  With the echo chamber of the internet, it exponentially increases the scenario of the blind leading the blind.  The way to know if you’re doing the right thing is if everyone else is doing the same or at least someone famous.  At least if you’re following the crowd, it’s someone else’s fault.  No it’s not, you DECIDED to follow.

Rather than following the crowd or having Facebook or even Webster’s Dictionary define you, do it yourself.  Go to a quiet space with a pen and a paper.  Write down who you are.  Or even better, write down who you want to be, in every area.  Physically, mentally, emotionally and etc.  Feel free to get input from trusted people but don’t ask random people walking down the street.  Even this paper will not be the end of it.  Your identity is work in progress just like your life.  Examine both and define them with your own terms.

 

 

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In Your Honor

Pete Huryk

I’m not sure of the exact date but I remember the day when I knew that I had that thing in me that a parent needs.  My wife and I were at my in-laws’ lake house.  I was on the phone inside the house when I heard a strange kind of screech then my wife called for me.  I dropped the phone and ran outside.  When I got to where she was, I saw what had caused the screech.  My dog, Kelme, pinned on his back by another dog in the bed of rocks that descended down into the lake.  I was on the deck that was about fifteen feet above where Kelme and his attacker were.  Without a thought, I hopped over the railing, dropped the fifteen feet and miraculously landed safely on the jagged rocks right next to the two dogs.  Luckily the other dog got completely spooked by my sudden appearance and bolted quickly.  So I did not have to engage in the vicious fight with a dog that I anticipated.  I scooped Kelme up and took him to the vet.

This morning I was reminded of this experience while on my run and listening to the Foo Fighters’ song “In Your Honor”.  The line “In Your Honor, I would die tonight!” is the one that hammers the point of that experience home.  I gave absolutely no thought to my own safety in that situation and justifiably so.  In my view, it is inherent to being a parent that you put the welfare of your children above your own.  After that experience, I knew that I had that inside of me.  I know with complete certainty that I would be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for my children, trading my life for theirs.  Today while listening to that song, I decided that there is another level to that equation.

The idea of the sacrificial trade holds but my hope is that we never get there.  So “In Their Honor”, I will not be dying but what if instead “In Their Honor” I lived?  If I am willing to make the ultimate sacrifice, why not make some of the smaller sacrifices and live life to the fullest?  Show them that my purpose is not particularly to give everything that I have in order that they might live.  My purpose should be to give my best attempt at this life in order that they might follow that example.  Perhaps the sum total of all of those little sacrifices will be a greater gift because they get to keep their father and he is someone to be proud of.

Luke and Emmy, In Your Honor, I will live tonight!

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The Love Reciprocals

Pete Huryk

At some point in the past, December 25 was a day set aside to celebrate the birth of a person that represented love and forgiveness. In the present day it seems to center around the exchange of gift cards and other activities that are shadows of their initial intent. I am not inclined to be too hard on our present  day societal choices.  The reason that we exchange gifts is the emulation of the gifts of the Magi.  These gifts were important in helping Jesus and his family escape and hide from certain death at the hands of a jealous and angry king.  It has been over 2000 years and we may not have it right yet but we’re not all wrong either.

I have to believe that mankind is capable of loving his neighbor.  This not a religious thing but rather a practical matter.  The reciprocals of love are too taxing on the body and the mind.  Hatred, jealousy, anger and fear are difficult feelings to maintain.  They are destructive to the individual and society.  Although these feelings seem to happen to us, they are actually choices that we make.

So since love is a choice and hatred is a choice.  Why don’t we choose the feeling that feels good and helps the world?  Many reasons are out there but I believe the most pertinent is that we’re afraid we won’t get that love back if we give first.  It’s the paradox that will determine our outcome as a species. Can we take the first step enough that others will feel secure enough to take it?

Love is a choice.  

Hatred is a choice.  

What do you choose?