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The Pendulum’s Swing

When I was in 8th grade, our class visited Washington D.C.  We visited many historical sites that moved me in one way or another.  One item that captivated my attention was a large pendulum that systematically knocked down pegs in specific time intervals.  I’ve also attached a video to a very cool pendulum science experiment.  The amazing thing about pendulums for me is not their scientific application but the way they mirror many of the human experiences.  Talk to any historian, economist or scientist and you will see that the cycles of humans often swing just like a pendulum.  Although these swings may seem inevitable, there are a few ways to affect the pendulum: change the point of equilibrium and create micro-swings.

Changing the Point of Equilibrium – Basically this means that if my weight swings between 190 lbs to 200 lbs throughout the year, 195 is the point of equilibrium.  It is the middle of the swing.  The reason for the swing over the year is based on several factors such as weather, holidays, exercise and other.  There is a daily swing as well.  So if I was to keep the swing (which I can’t fully stop) but move the equilibrium point to 193, I’m on a healthier swing at bare minimum.  Over time this new swing will become the norm and I won’t even give it much thought.

Creating Micro-Swings – Although I cannot completely stop the pendulum, I can reduce the arc of the swing to make it almost seem like it is standing still.  The issue with creating micro-swings is how large of a pendulum are you dealing with?  Maintaining something like hydration levels is relatively easy to do and track.  However creating a micro-swing for finances may be almost impossible.  The key to creating a micro-swing is an opposite force.  The pendulum wants to swing in its normal patter, you need to apply a slowing force to reduce the swing.

Why the long discussion of pendulums?  Something came across my news feed yesterday with reference to the “JFK Challenge”.  It was a physical fitness program instituted at La Sierra High School.  It impressed President Kennedy so much that he wanted to spread it nationally.  At the moment there is a campaign to do a film on the program.  Go to https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/la-sierra-high-pe.

Although I am not sure that such a regimented physical education program will be adopted in the US, I do believe that we are at the wrong end of a pendulum swing.  Perhaps a national change in our Point of Equilibrium is needed.  A recognition that there is a correlation between physical fitness and many of the attributes that we desire such as happiness, confidence and longevity.  That change would be a great one to see in my lifetime and perhaps one day we could have a micro-swing.

Change for the better will almost never be a policy handed down to us.  Change for the better is a decision that needs to be made by the majority of us.

 

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Dating: Playing With House Money

I’m not a gambler because I have a real resistance to losing my money.  The systems are set up in the house’s favor.  However I (I’d guess everyone else) would be happy to gamble if only playing with the house money.  The reason being is that it is extremely easy to bet when you have absolutely nothing to lose.

This same phenomena applies to the dating world as well.  From my own experience, when I was single, I found it almost impossible to get someone interested in dating me.  However whenever I had a girlfriend, I seemed to have no shortage of interested people.  Now part of this may be attributed to competition/supply in demand but I think one of the key factors is “playing with house money”.  It was always easier to make conversation and flirt when I already had a girlfriend because I had nothing to lose.  Rejection was impossible.

This creates a bit of a paradox because in order to “play with house money”, you need to have a significant other.  Not actually, the key component to “playing with house money” is a true belief that you have nothing to lose.  The fear of rejection that you feel is a feeling that you created.  How can you make the possibility of the date valuable and make the rejection worthless?

The way to make rejection worthless is to break it down into what it truly means.  The person that you have approached is not rejecting you.  They are rejecting their perception of you which may be way off from reality.  A rejection is not a finality, it is a learning opportunity.  As with anything else, improvement requires a degree of failure.  Since we don’t have virtual reality simulated dating programs (yet), you need to take these experiences head on without fearing rejection but fear of the loss of opportunity.  I cannot think of a time in my life where I regret telling someone how I felt about them.  However I’ve definitely got a few examples of regretting the fact that I didn’t tell them.

You’re playing with house money.  Someone saying yes or no to you does not change your value as a person.  Your worth is decided by one person and that is you.  The only way to lose that money is if you decide to give it away.

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Dad’s Maxim

Long before Maxim was a magazine with pictures of beautiful women and articles for young men, it was a statement of general truth or rule of conduct.  My dad had a maxim and I don’t believe that I am exaggerating when I say that in my life I’ve heard it thousands of times.  While I’ve only said it hundreds of times, I’ve applied it regularly enough that I know its truth.  “Be nice to people, it doesn’t cost you anything but it can get you everything.”

This statement has been a major ingredient in many of the decisions that I’ve made throughout my life.  Although we live in a world where it is widely believed that “nice guys finish last”, I’ve never regretted my decision to follow this ideal.  The only issue that I have with the statement is that some people tend to focus too heavily on the last part.

The key to the world is give and take: exchange.  We live in a world that is based on currencies and they are exchanged regularly.  Some currencies are physical, like money or products.  Some currencies are emotional like love and respect.  Since most of our thoughts on exchange revolve around purchases, we want instantaneous results when we give out a currency.  This is a system that we understand in the physical world.  The problem is that in many of the invisible currencies, exchanges are not direct.  So people, who were not raised by my father, may read this statement expecting that their niceness will be rewarded soon after it is given.

The thing that I learned by seeing the application and not just listening to the words was that you need to be willing to give with no thought to receiving.  I would almost cut off the last part of the saying but no one does anything without a reason.  My belief in the eventual payoff or karma of my present actions is a necessity.  Although I never know how or when I’ll see my generosity repaid, my experience tells me that it will be paid back in greater quantities than I gave.

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The Spectator’s Chance

There is a common dream that people have where they are a spectator at a sporting event or musical performance.  Suddenly something happens and it becomes necessary for them to become part of the game or performance.  Inevitably in this dream state, the dreamer is successful in this unlikely circumstance and then they wake up.

Personally I’ve had different versions of this dream in the past.  The only part that I dislike is the waking up.  It’s obviously a spectacular fantasy with no basis in reality.  Especially at my age, I’ll never make it as a professional soccer player and I don’t even play an instrument.  The allure comes from the sudden and unexpected success.  To go from zero to hero in the blink of an eyes is the dream of many.

The question that I have for myself today is “what if the waking up is the best part?”  Maybe by waking up after that glimpse of impossible hope we could take a step forward in the real world.  I’m never going to make it as a pro soccer player, this is true.  However there are many other dreams that my inner spectator can move toward right now.  But it’s not going to be a zero to hero moment.  Very few things in life ever are and why should that be the goal to begin with?  Most lottery winners end up bankrupt because they can’t handle the transition.

The spectator’s chance is in the waking up!  Realizing that it won’t happen in a moment.  And DOING IT ANYWAY!

 

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You vs. Your Dream Self (a battle to the death)

In movies and books there is a concept called the suspension of disbelief.  It basically means that when you walk into the theater, you are willing to believe things that would normally be ridiculous.  Some of the most memorable movies have been set in completely unbelievable circumstances by everyday standards.  A teenager gets super powers from a radioactive spider.  There is a school to teach wizards and witches with a very special boy who was orphaned.  A farm boy from another planet becomes the hero of a revolution while redeeming his father who was the second most evil man in the universe.  These are all great examples of the suspension of disbelief.

The problem that many of us face is that we know our own back-story.  The back-story is the hero’s life before the movie or book started.  Sometimes we never discover their back-story.  The audience is always dropped into the hero’s life right before they are about to be thrust into their unbelievable adventure.  Imagine if you had to watch Harry Potter’s life from the moment he was dropped on the doorstep until his fateful birthday.  You would walk out of the theater before he turned three.  The back-story is not the point.  The moment that the hero decides to take on the adventure is the point.

So what about you?  One of the reasons that we don’t do the things that we’ve dreamed of doing is that we have an overwhelming back-story.  We have a lifetime of knowing what we can and cannot do.  Our ability to make a huge leap from where we are to where we want to be is unbelievable.  What if you suspended that disbelief?

Imagine that in the future there was a movie made about you because in the coming years you did amazing things.  What if today was the day that the audience was dropped into your life?  You look just like an ordinary person.  However you decide to take yourself into a new direction.  This does not need to be a huge shift.  There are no radioactive spiders.  However there is a half an hour per day.  For half an hour each day, suspend your disbelief.  Think, talk and act like your dream self would.  Do this exercise and see how you feel.  Forget your back-story.  Only focus on the future of what you want to be.  As it becomes more comfortable, let it spread like a virus.  Notice that feeling popping up in times when you did not expect it.  Eventually it can take over all twenty four hours.  When you’ve taken your dreams and made them your life, then you can tell people your back-story.

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Unless

Some people may find it odd that as a thirty-nine year old one of my favorite authors is still Dr. Seuss.  The main reason that his works continue to influence me is that he entertains, educates and inspires.  Many authors can only pull off one of those effectively.  However with made up words and rhyming schemes, he does all three consistently.

My favorite book by Dr. Seuss is “The Lorax”.  I have read it to my children so many times that I basically have it memorized.  The message of environmental responsibility is delivered in a simple yet powerful way.  “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better, it’s not.”  This simple message applies to so many things.  Since my blog is aimed toward self-improvement that is where I’ll focus.

It does not matter what challenges you face, you must own it first.  People can help you and they will but there help is meaningless until you act.  A better you is not born out of indifference.  A better you is born out of passion, love and desire!  The fitter you is not the product of idleness and excuses.  Only through your focused effort can a fitter you arise.  Unless you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better, it’s not!

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Dear Friend,

Please don’t kill yourself.  Life is precious.  You are important to me.  I cannot begin to understand the pain that you must be going through.  But maybe I could or someone else could.  Maybe there are better days ahead for you.  Maybe this pain is only temporary.

How can I help?  What can I do?  Do you need a shoulder for crying or an ear for listening?  I have two of each.  If you go through with this without saying anything, I’ll wonder about the things that I could have done.  Please let me be a friend to you for years to come.

Pete

This letter is written to no one in particular.  It is a blanket statement of my desire to help those that I care about.  I would never want a friend to pass thinking they were alone.  You’re not alone unless you choose to be.

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The No Problems World

In an age of rounded corners and medals for everyone, it seems as though we are aiming to make this a “No Problems World”.  If no one gets hurt and no one gets disappointed then we have no problems.  This approach seems to be creating an even bigger problem.  Young people who cannot cope with problems and expect that there should be none.

A problem-free life is a fantasy that could never exist.  So if we cannot eliminate problems, we should individually aim to have better problems.  The only way to get a better class of problem is to solve the ones that you already have.  That may be challenging but it is the only way to develop the muscle needed for that next class of problem.

A challenge, isn’t that what a problem truly is anyway?  People hate problems but they love a challenge.  Taking on challenges and finding both failure and success along the way is called living.

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Set Yourself Up!

For many years now, I’ve not been a fan of the NBA.  Ever since Larry Bird retired, most of the teams seem to be completely reliant on the individual talent rather than the collective.  The one evidence I see of team recognition is the alley-oop.  Two players that recognize an opportunity at the same time and one sets the other up.  The play requires three things: favorable circumstances, recognition of opportunity and decisive action.

In our own lives, success requires similar ingredients.  However there usually aren’t seven foot tall defenders in our way.  Most of the time, we are the only ones playing defense against ourselves.  The world doesn’t stand in our way for many of the things that we want.  The key is that we need to set ourselves up or enlist teammates to help set us up.

Take stock of the goals that you have and set up systems to make yourself successful.  If your goal is to get in shape, put alarms on your phone and lay out your workout clothes the night before.   Be sure not to overwhelm yourself by doing too much at once.  Add a new aspect to your life no more than every two weeks.  Drastic changes tend to create a recipe for failure because as soon as we drop one ball, we tend to let the others fall.  Habits become automatic if we practice them enough.  The habit of going to the gym can be built with the very simple action of showing up and doing simple things for 30 minutes.  Once the habit of going to the gym is ingrained, adding more to the workouts is much easier.

Set yourself up for success, not failure.  You’re only human.  So keep it simple to start and then get more complex.  Find or create favorable circumstances, recognize your opportunity and take decisive action.  Even you won’t be able to stop yourself!

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Worth It?

Is it worth the time?

Is it worth the effort?

Is it worth the embarrassment?

Is it worth risking failure?

Is it worth the cost?

Is it worth the possible laughter?

These and a hundred other questions can swirl around our heads when we are about to do anything.  There is an underlying calculation of value to the experience versus some other consequence.  The experiences and the consequences are variables in this equation but there is a constant that needs considering, you.

No matter what it is that you are considering, YOU ARE WORTH IT.  So the only thing that truly needs to be considered is whatever it is, is it worth it to you?  If so, then do it regardless of the variable consequences.