When I was a kid, I was very explicit about the fact that I did not like pie. It’s really a shame too because from what I understand, my mother makes great apple and pumpkin pies. Regardless of how much I was missing out, I held firm to my identity as a non-pie eater. Then once at my grandmother’s house, she was getting ready to order a pizza pie and needed to know who wanted some. Despite my mother’s urging that I had eaten it before, I held fast to my pie-free stance. Once the pizzas arrived, my younger self realized the error of his ways. There were exceptions to my pie-free world that I needed to recognize and accept. This was not the absolute commandment that I originally thought that it was.
Commandments or non-negotiables can be extremely important to one’s daily life and overall sense of self. I can hear some of you now “But wait, I’m an atheist (agnostic or not religious). How does this relate to me?” Exactly what you just said, you have a non-negotiable belief structure that guides a significant portion of your life and mental framework. You do not re-evaluate this belief structure regularly. It tends to inform and guide your life rather than the events of your life informing it. Perhaps you are consciously aware of some of your “commandments” while others lie under the surface. Regardless, it may be time to dust off your stone tablets and see what works or what doesn’t.
This introspection may be difficult in the beginning but will be freeing in the end. What do you believe without question about: yourself, life, friendship, marriage, the world? Once you have uncovered your beliefs, it is important to decide if each is a useful belief. There will be some things that are absolute but much of who we are is based on our truth and not the truth. Is it more helpful to believe that you have limited talent, skill or intelligence? Or is it better to believe that you are unlimited in those areas? You should have the final say in the adoption or deletion of your beliefs. The power of organizing them into a rock solid structure that you don’t need to think about because you already have.
One of the most difficult things about living through this era of almost unlimited information is maintaining a sense of who we are. Rather than being pulled in a hundred directions, you will have your own direction. The beauty of these commandments is that they were not handed to you, you chose them yourself. That choice gives you freedom of mind later when you do not have to choose in the moment because you chose long ago. You are the you that you’ve chosen to be.
In 1998, Mark McGwire hit more home-runs than any other player in MLB history. I vividly remember watching the games to see if he would break Hank Aaron’s record and I’m not even a baseball fan. At the time, I remember becoming personally moved by the chase for the home-run record. It changed the way that I thought about several things in my life and it had nothing to do with home-runs but rather strikeouts. McGwire lead the league in home-runs that year but he was also near the top of the leader board for strikeouts. He struck out 2.2 times more than he hit home-runs. In theory, the strikeouts are failure but in reality they are three more pieces of data.
In 2002 my girlfriend (now wife) and I went to a Fleetwood Mac concert. We had a difficult time getting to the concert because she had a broken foot and was using crutches. The general admission parking was at least a half mile walk to the entrance, so I ended up carrying her on my back for much of the distance. As the diligent boyfriend, I wasn’t going to complain. However at the end of the show, she insisted that we try to get a ride back to the car from security. We were told to wait at the security station for the van to come pick us up. Alongside us was an irate woman and her boyfriend, that were also waiting to be picked up. Phrases like, “He can’t go out there!” and “This is ridiculous that we’re being treated this way!” were thrown about several times. It became evident to me that I was sitting next to Billy Corgan. Although the Smashing Pumpkins had broken up, I was still sitting next to a relatively important celebrity of the time. Despite my realization, I kept quiet until after we’d all been picked up by the van and he and his girlfriend had departed. At that point, I spilled the beans to everyone else in the van.
Huryk Unlimited 