Month: July 2023

Mirrors aren’t the only things that reflect. Throughout the day, you can see yourself in all kinds of places: shop windows, sunglass lenses, a lake and yes! even a doorknobs! The flat surfaces give you a pretty accurate reflection but something like a doorknob creates a “funhouse mirror” effect. The picture is distorted! With our actual reflection, the distortion is obvious. However, as we reach for the door of opportunity, that distortion can cause us to pull our hand back and walk away.

No one sees us 100% objectively, even ourselves. Looks, personality, talent, etc. are seen through deletions, distortions, incomplete information and bias. Yet, we like to believe that when dealing with ourselves we have a clear picture of who we are. Going back to the “funhouse mirror” analogy, we exaggerate many of our qualities for better or worse. During times of higher stress, like an opportunity that we value, there is a tendency to distort with a negative mirror. Humans are built to protect ourselves from dangers. Therefore we tend to see the threat rather than the reward. The doorknobs to opportunities are bound to reflect many of our faults related to the endeavor. If it’s a romantic situation, we’ll see how unattractive, boring and undesirable we are. In a business context, our lack of experience, talent or resources will shine through. Our brains are trying to protect us! That’s it’s job! Now you need to decide if the distortion is protecting or undercutting you.

Since I don’t know you, I can’t say whether or not you should ignore the doorknob or not. However, I will say that if you’re close enough to the opportunity to see yourself falling short, could you also see yourself succeeding? If so, then maybe it’s time to burst through that door! The regret from leaving things untried and undone is far worse that the regret of coming up short.

Knock, knock!

Pete

“Don’t grow up!” I remember it pretty plainly. At the Stewart’s Restaurant in Newark, NJ, the man behind the counter gave this advice to me when I was possibly 10 years old. He was adamant enough that it stuck. Although I’m not sure, he couldn’t have been much more than 20 years old himself. But somehow the life of an adult had already gotten him down and he needed to dispense some “knowledge.” He’d made up his mind about adult life and resisting the pull of age was his answer. For years, I’ve wavered back and forth on this thought and might go back again. However for today, with the tune by Paramore in my head, I’m thinking that he was wrong! Being an adult is “fun!”

Or at least it can be if you’re willing to take on the right mindset. The juxtaposition of childhood and adulthood is one that I deal with regularly as a teacher. I’ve often told young people that being an adult requires two main things that have nothing to do with age. The first is responsibility for your actions. It’s on you! The second is realizing that you don’t know everything. I know plenty of people over 30 who aren’t quite adults yet. They are on the Stewart’s guy program!

There is another option though! Embrace it! The bills, the boss, the responsibility and the uncertainty of so many things. Ain’t it fun? Children look at the life of adults with awe because of the freedom, while adults look back on their childhood with a desire to be that carefree again. Perhaps there is a way to meet in the middle and enjoy it! Both positions see the other as more “free.” If you’re reading this, it’s unlikely that you’re under 15. So who is the warden and where are the walls/bars/guards? In the world that we live in, there is so much freedom that we have created a large portion of what holds us captive. The shackles of travel speed, communication reach, access to information, etc. have been undone but we find the walls of anxiety, pressure and lack anyway. Our ancestors would look at us like we were fucking nuts! But that’s partially my point. The human experience is difficult to embrace in the moment. We’re better at missing what’s past or longing for what’s coming. So again, the question “ain’t it fun?“

Hell yes it is! Even the shit of the worst day has either the ability to fertilize the next moment of greatness or a story to tell a friend later. “Neither good nor bad but thinking makes it so!” -Uncle Billy Shakes. Let’s do our best then to make it better than we did before! You can’t stop time and we can’t go back yet! So make it fun now! Even when it’s not because it all belongs to you. Life hands you a lot of the ingredients but if you want to top your experience off with shit flavored mayo and “whoa is me” relish, that’s on you! So no matter how old you are, have some fun with it because now isn’t coming back!

Ain’t it fun?!?!

Pete