Month: December 2021

Blogpost, self-reliance

Anti-Mona Lisa Moments

Pete Huryk

The Mona Lisa is one of the most visited and studied pieces of art in the world. Personally I’m not a fan. My best friend and I went to the Louvre in 1998. We spent about 30 seconds in front of the painting and moved on. Because we were there, we felt compelled to stop. It was a moment that I felt was largely for someone else. When you go to see something like the Mona Lisa, it is often due to other people. The fame of the painting induces others to go. Nothing attracts a crowd like a crowd. The Mona Lisa moment is special because it is supposed to be special. No one would question you if the painting moved you in some emotional way or left you in deep contemplation for hours. In many ways, I am the freak because I did not have that experience.

My focus tends to be on the anti-Mona Lisa moments. The times that could be common or mundane but we use focus and intention to make them magical or meaningful. Standing in a parking lot alone and feeling the weight of events that had happened days before. Walking out the door like you have hundreds of times before but deciding to feel the possibility of this particular day, not because it was special on its own but you resolve to make it special. These anti-Mona Lisa moments are available all of the time and do not require a trip to France.

Due to our hyper connected, in stereo, 4G, technicolor on steroids world, our expectation of Mona Lisa moments in our lives has increased exponentially. Vacations need to be bigger! Parties need to be grander!! Times need to be funner!!! More exclamation marks and CAPITAL LETTERS WILL MAKE EVERYTHING ON PAR WITH OUR EXPECTATIONS!!!!! Unfortunately in the end, it is all “la petit mort”. Making too many things extra means that normal is nothing.

So rather than trying to put icing and sprinkles onto everything, take a moment today and make it special. Not because it is filled with adrenaline and relevance but because it is not. This is a muscle that you can build. If you make it strong enough, perhaps you won’t need the icing and sprinkles on your next Mona Lisa moment. It will be amazing because you decided to make it that way.

Smile!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Red + Green = Judo

Pete Huryk

We were little kids and made up a silly game as children do. The concept was that a color combination was given as a kind of “math” problem. Green + Yellow, for example. The other person had to guess what that combination was equal to out of a variety of fighting styles: judo, kung-fu, boxing, etc. I’m not sure exactly how or why the game developed but the only thing that kept the game mildly interesting was that the person posing the question didn’t have to follow the pattern of past combinations. “Red + Green = Judo” one minute and the next “Red + Green = Boxing”. While that variety added some intrigue, it also could create frustration as the person guessing starts to feel like they can never win. Childish game right! Despite the fact that it was a silly game, it mirrors two ideas that are worth considering.

We were the coolest!

Sunk costs – This term is used to describe investment of time, money, effort, etc. into an endeavor. Some people get extremely hung up on sunk costs. The amount of investment that they’ve put into something makes the situation more difficult to walk away from regardless of the prospects of success. It’s difficult to walk away from Judo because that’s what Red + Green was before. Unfortunately the game is fluid and does not really care what happened before. Sometimes “sunk costs” need to be allowed to sink, so that you don’t go down with them.

Set up your rules to win – There was nothing won or lost in our silly little game. So nobody got overly worked up about the results. It was obvious that the person posing the question also had control of the answer. It’s a great idea for going through life that many people ignore. Pain + Reflection = Progress is a completely acceptable equation for people to use regularly. It sets the user up for success rather than failure. Unfortunately for many people Pain = Pain + Complaining = Frustration. This equation is a disaster for the person who adopts it but many do. It’s easy to forget that you are making up the rules for your mind. If your rules have you set up to lose, then change them.

We’re always playing games, whether we are conscious of it or not. Most of the games are played inside of our own minds. Keeping score (if we do) and determining success are largely up to us. It’s not the childish game that my brothers and I played. However it is just as malleable. Almost nothing is set in stone. There is no rule definitive rule book that everyone follows. Most of it is a mismatch of experiences from our pasts that create our defaults. Just remember that those defaults are not particularly right. The world has many shades of color combinations and it’s your job to figure out how to fight what life throws at you.

Red + Green = Judo!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Born Ready!

Pete Huryk

BS!!! I was born just like everyone else! Naked, afraid, unable to read or write or even hold up my own head! Yet I persisted through those difficult circumstances. After many failed attempts at walking, my parents tried to convince me to move on to easier modes of transport but I wouldn’t hear of it. Probably because I only understood basic words and phrases. I was stubborn and knew that one day I would walk. Now here I am! Decades later celebrating my imperfect birth. 46 years worth of fumbling and stumbling through life but celebrating nonetheless.

My brother holding me when I was just a blob of potential.

It’s odd isn’t it?!?! We come from such humble beginnings and the plan is very much laid out for us. “You’re not perfect from the beginning but through trial and error, you will figure things out.” Eventually we tend to forget that formula. We give up on things quickly because we’re “not good” at them. Actually we’re not good at anything in the beginning but we forget that is the modus operandi. We weren’t born ready! We were born horribly, laughably, disgustingly inadequate! But the people around us didn’t chide or berate us. They propped us up and encouraged us along the way. It was a beautiful thing for many years.

Hopefully this year, you can give yourself that same encouragement and support that you received in the early years. Maybe you’re not ready for what’s coming right now either but you can be with time and effort. You used to be a miracle! It stands to reason that some of the miracle remains, no matter how old you are. None of us was born ready. So give up on that story because the truth is much more useful. You were born as a little blob of potential. Now you get to see how much of it you can realize in a lifetime!

Happy birthday to everyone!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Scrooge Yourself!

Pete Huryk

Last night I watched one of my favorite versions of “A Christmas Carol”. Being raised in the 80’s makes me preferential toward the George C. Scott incarnation of the Dickens’ tale. Since the story is well over a century old, it truly is a Christmas classic. Regardless of which version you prefer, the basic story is the same. Scrooge is given a chance to turn his life around after decades of being a rich but stingy and hard-hearted man. In the night leading up to Christmas, he is visited by three spirits who show him visions of what his life has been and will become. Through this experience, he makes a drastic change in his mindset toward Christmas and his fellow man.

Although the story is well known, I doubt that the experience of Scrooge is one that many have had. A full sensory experience where one’s fundamental flaw is put on full display through the years. An awakening to the realization that a part of one’s personality has kept joy and fulfillment at bay would be heart-wrenching but also transformative. While I doubt that any of us has “Scrooge-level” personality defects to attend to, each of us has kept our best self from shining through at times. Perhaps a look at our past, present and future through the lens of a habit that we know we need to change is exactly the gift that each of us needs.

So take five minutes and choose a habit that you know you should change. For a minute, think about all of the ways that this action has held you back in the past. Put the picture in your mind and see the things that you’ve missed out on or lost. Then take another minute and reflect on how this is affecting you in your present life. Just like with Scrooge, the most powerful is probably the future. We can justify our pasts in a variety of ways. However seeing in your mind’s eye, all of the ways that your future can be impacted by an action may just carry enough weight for change. Since this has a greater possibility for impact, take two minutes with these pictures. Finally write down some notes on the experience. If you were interested in changing, maybe the thoughts that you had about your future will be enough of a catalyst to make it possible. In the end, Ebenezer changed himself. The spirits only helped him along the way.

God bless us everyone!

Pete

Blogpost, posh

Raise Your Hand and Be POSH

Pete Huryk

Being a long time POSH fan under the Ferguson/MacAnthony regime, one tends to expect certain things. Recruitment will largely be done from the lower leagues, picking up the “young and hungry” players that are ready to jump up a league or two. The players will be on affordable wages. So there is always the threat of bigger clubs in higher leagues swooping in for our stars and putting them on big money. Our players will be given the freedom to play attacking football that leads to goals. The statistics for this season do not support the idea that the last is happening. However, there is a difference between being given freedom and using that freedom.

I have seen enough of the matches this season to see the fact that our poor form is a slim margin from being respectable placement in the table. The missing component is the final touch. The Dembele shot off the post from yesterday’s match exemplifies what our season has looked like. It is not a lack of talent. Our players have proven in long enough spurts that they can do the tasks required to break down their opponents. It seems to be a reluctance to accept the responsibility of the freedom. It is a phrase that probably sticks in the mind of many POSH fans’ minds. The commentator from the Old Trafford game saying that POSH “only know one way to play and that’s to go forward!” That is not true at the moment. Several times yesterday, I found myself yelling at cellphone as I watched the match. POSH players with the talent to be exciting attacking players turning and going away from goal when they had both time and space. It’s not very POSH.

In the past, I wrote a post on a very different topic that was titled “Freedom Is Responsibility” but I believe it to be true. Freedom comes with responsibility. In this instance, the players need to be responsible for their duty as POSH players to go forward with the intent to score goals (not flop easily). The process of discovery has begun. The question is being asked regularly, “who is willing to take the responsibility?” Surprisingly, it is mainly our young players who are throwing up their hands in earnest asking for the opportunity. The captain who is playing regularly also seems to relish the challenge. Whether it is money, comfort, fear, laziness, entitlement or any other number of possible factors that is keeping others from putting themselves “on the spot”, the club’s survival at this level hangs in the balance of their willingness to accept their responsibility. If only a select few take it, then we are sunk! My faith lies in Fergie’s ability to find enough players to join the fight.

Up the POSH!

Pete

PS – Congratulations to Charlie Lee on great career! Still one of my favorite POSH players of all time.

Blogpost, self-reliance

Baking Soda Doesn’t Taste Like Pepsi!

Pete Huryk

Baking soda isn’t even a liquid! For those who don’t bake, it’s a white powder that gets put into a large number of recipes. Those who do bake might be thinking that I’m an idiot for the title. Cool your jets for a moment. I’ve never tried to drink baking soda nor have I substituted it with a tablespoon of Pepsi in my cakes. The foolishness of both is obvious to most. It does bring an interesting juxtaposition though. One thing is an item that many people use for its pleasurable effects. The other is a necessary ingredient to make a finished product. It puts a want in direct contrast to a need.

Most of us run into this issue on a daily basis. Our wants and our needs are put at odds with one another as we combine the ingredients of our days. It is not usually a case of knowing. We tend to know the things that we need in our life: exercise, healthy food choices, sleep, a meditative practice, etc. Unfortunately those things are often in conflict with things that we want: free time, stimulating food, exciting nights out, an ample amount of social media, etc. This is not a call for all things in moderation nor is it a finger waging sermon about how you must choose only from the “need” column. I’m not your mom or your dad for that matter. Your choices are your own. All I am here to point out is that the cake that you’re producing is based on the ingredients.

Your life is a sum total of the choices that you’ve made up until this point. Some of it has been DNA and parenting but it’s more than likely that you could counteract those forces on some level. Most of it is the daily ingredients that you are adding, subtracting or maintaining. There are few hard and fast rules about what a person should be putting into their life. I know people who need a lot more baking soda and others who need more Pepsi. It’s not an exact science much like baking there is a bit of artistry to it. Yes there are measurements and instructions but the people who do it best tend to “eyeball” it. Following someone else’s recipe will get you similar results but that may not be the right thing for you.

The main thing is that you want to be conscious of the ingredients that you are putting in. Too often people want a particular result but it requires need and they are busy choosing their wants. No doubt substitutions can be made but they have to make sense. Pepsi and baking soda are not the same thing! Don’t allow yourself to believe that they are. Instead, decide what it is that you truly want and stick to the recipe! It’s usually not a matter of not knowing. It’s a matter of being willing to do what you know!

Enjoy!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

I Was a Bad Homecoming Date

Pete Huryk

In my junior year of high school, I got asked to the homecoming dance by a senior in my trigonometry class. She was a really nice person that I got along with but I didn’t navigate the concept of going as her date well. Everything from showing up separately to only spending the very beginning of the dance with her, I was a pretty crappy date. As a foolish high schooler, it was easy enough to justify in my head and also distract myself with other people. At this point, it is barely even a memory other than the fact that I was not a good date. The Crosby, Stills and Nash song “Love the One You’re With” tends to remind me of this situation. Not because a teenage version of me should have “loved” the one I was with. At bare minimum, I should have either had the courage to say no or live up to my side of the bargain. This discussion of high school regret is not all about self-flagellation.

Not actually from the dance in question. This was a Christmas dance freshman year. I think I was an ok date for this one.

Our lives are filled with options. We have an almost infinite number of choices that we make through our lifetimes. In the time that we live, it is easier than ever to look at other people’s situations with envy. Social media is filled with lives that seem to be photoshopped to look perfect and they mainly are. The downtimes and troubles are rarely on display. So it can be easy to wish that you had a different “date” at the dance of life. Fortunately (in my opinion) you don’t get to trade and you need to “love the one you’re with.”

The beauty of this date that you have is that they are not stagnant. They can get better with time. However it is up to you to make your “date” better. The only way to improve your “date” is to be a better version of yourself. If you’re not happy with how it’s going, you’re the one who has to change. You don’t get to “trade up”! This is the one that you’ve got. So love the one that you’ve got while always trying to get better at dancing, conversing, relating and loving. No one else is going to steal you away! You’re all you’ve got and that’s a great thing!

Be a good date!

Pete